Each Wednesday I’m recording a Curiosity Journal, a recap of the past week. Tag words are: reading, playing, learning, reacting and writing.

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Some of you have mentioned that you’re keeping a Curiosity Journal, as well. Leave your link in the comments so that we can visit and enjoy your weekly review.

Reading

Now that home-school classes have begun, I find that I’ll be devoting several chunks of my week to reading and commenting on student papers. With only six kids in High School Composition, however, I can give their work close attention and provide what I hope to be valuable input.In our family, the kids and I are starting to read aloud Anna and the King, by Margaret Landon, and A Praying Life, by Paul E. Miller. We selected Anna and the King because the Belgian Wonder’s great-grandparents were missionaries in Siam and became acquainted with the author (I have yet to sort through those details, but that’s the bottom line). Reading the book seemed like a fun way for my kids to become familiar with a place that is woven into their heritage.

Playing

Soccer season has begun.Some of us play; some of us chat. Some of us snap pictures or cheer; and a lot of us relax and read.

Learning

My son signed up to run with the middle school home-school cross country team this year. Though he’s one of the youngest runners, he said he wanted to try. When those first practices started up in the sweltering weeks of late July, he slipped on his running shoes and shorts, stuck on a cap, and came out to log a few miles with the team.But he’s slow. So slow, in fact, that he’s often passed by people walking. And he complains a lot. And as the season has progressed, he sometimes just quits halfway through the practice and sits on a bench, chatting with the moms.One day, when I was frustrated at his complaining, I told him that there’s a place inside all of us, a spot, that we all have to draw from.”What’s that spot?” he asked.”It’s the ‘I-don’t-want-to-do-it-but-I’ll-do-it-anyway’ spot. You won’t learn about it in anatomy class, and it’s not a very good name—doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue—but it’s a very important spot.”He nodded.”You have to draw from that spot for homework, for chores, and you really have to draw from it for cross country practice.””My spot is reeeeeeeally tiny,” he said.”I know,” I said, nodding. “It’s very small, but it can get bigger. And the great thing is that every time you do something you don’t want to do, it gets a little bit bigger.””It’s just a teeeeny-tiny sesame seed,” he said, holding his finger and thumb together so that they almost touched.”But if you go out and do the whole workout,” I assured him, “the spot will get a little bit bigger, and then the next time you have to do something you don’t want to do, it’ll be a tiny bit easier.””No, it’s a poppyseed,” he interrupted, trying to land on the best metaphor.”So,” I continued, “are you going to finish the workout today without complaining? Because I guarantee you that not one of these runners wants to go out and run two miles in the hot sun, but they’re going to do it anyway, and they aren’t going to complain about it.””Their spots must be huge!” he said.”Not necessarily. But their spots will be a little bigger when they’re done, that’s for sure.”He agreed to finish the workout, and he did it with only minimal complaints. After, he announced, “I think it’s a sesame seed now. It went from a poppyseed to a sesame seed.””That’s progress,” I said. “Good job.”Weeks have passed, and some practices go better than others. The other night, we were running around a track, one hundred meters fast/one hundred meters slow, for a minimum of eight laps. It was tough, but the air temperature was cool and tall trees offered lots of late-afternoon shade. My son did six laps and was threatening to quit. The last few runners were coming in, and the assistant coach was passing out team shirts. I had told my son earlier that if he didn’t do the workouts, he wouldn’t get a shirt.”Am I going to get a shirt, Mama?” he asked as he rounded the curve and came up to where the team was grabbing water bottles and cooling down.I moved close to him, so the others wouldn’t hear. “You’ve done some of the workouts, but remember at the park last week? You just ran a little bit and gave up. So, no. You aren’t putting in enough miles to run a meet, so there’s no reason for you to have a shirt.””I’ll finish the workout tonight! I’ll do two more laps!””You have to do the fast 100s fast. And you’ll have to do every workout between now and the first meet or you won’t be ready.””I’ll do it!” he exclaimed, taking off like a flash. I watched him go around, and he was really working. I realized that up until that night, he’d never really pushed himself; but right then, he was moving along strong. When he completed the final lap, he came in breathing hard, sweating.”Now that was a workout!” I said. “That’s what it feels like to run. You actually look flushed and sweaty, like you pushed yourself.””Can I…get…a shirt?” he asked between intakes of breath.I hesitated, not knowing if he’d done enough to pull off a meet. But there he was in front of me, heart pounding after earnest aerobic effort, walking around a little to cool down. His fast-twitch muscles were probably twitching for the first time, in a good way.Even though the shirts are overpriced, and even though he has a long way to go, I said yes. “Yes, you can have a shirt.”He clapped his hands and the assistant coach handed him an adult small, which was a little bit big, but not too bad. He pulled it on over his T-shirt. When his head popped through, he was grinning big.I was talking with two parents when he strode over and stated, “Tonight, I think the spot inside of me has grown to the size of a volleyball!“Then he skipped back to his sisters.The two moms looked at me funny. I grinned. “I suppose I should explain about the volleyball-sized spot?”

Reacting

The writing class I’m facilitating is going to be challenging at times, but I guess I’m going to draw from that spot inside of me and just do it. My spot’s pretty big, I think. Maybe the size of a soccer ball.

Writing

Though much of my writing has been prep work for the class, my part is mostly done. Now it’s up to the students to do the writing and revision.And I can get back to a writing schedule and rhythm of my own.I’d like to be a more reliable blogger and contribute to The High Calling more often.I did write a little post for Writer…Interrupted about families and scheduling.I’ll leave you with a shot of the soccer fields I mentioned in that piece. This shows the line of trees where the children pick up nuts.

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Credits:Question mark image: “Question Proposed” photo by Ethan Lofton. Used under a Creative Commons license via Flickr.com.”Litchfield Track” by Jamison A. Kissh. Used with permission via Flickr.All other photos copyright 2011 by Ann Kroeker.Note: This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

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The post Curiosity Journal: August 31, 2011 appeared first on Ann Kroeker, Writing Coach.

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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome—though we love to try new dishes, your post doesn’t have to be a recipe. If you want to tell us about the first person who taught you to cook, that’s great. Posts like that are as welcome as menus and recipes.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post and join us through Simply Linked (a new tool I’m trying out this week).Here’s a Mr. Linky tutorial:

Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.Please note: I’ll do my best to update this post by hand. In the meantime, please click on the Mister Linky logo to view the complete list.

Food on Fridays Participants

Food on Fridays with Charity!This week at High Calling Blogs (HCB), we launched a writing project called “You Are Real,” inviting network bloggers to write about connections they’ve made—real connections—with other bloggers. People throughout the HCB community are swapping posts. Charity Singleton of Wide Open Spaces is my guest blogger today for Food on Fridays, and I’m appearing at her place. Click HERE to read my post for today.So… may I introduce to you my new and very real friend, Charity Singleton:Long before I drove the 20 minutes to Ann Kroeker’s house, I knew we were both Hoosiers. She had told me so on Facebook.Before I ever sat with Ann on her patio and talked about organic farming, I knew she pulled her weeds by hand. She wrote about once in an email.And before I had the chance to sit at the dinner table with her and her children or drink a cup of her husband’s strong coffee, I knew Ann cared deeply about her family. I read about them in one of her posts on The High Calling Blogs.By the time I actually met Ann, we were already friends.

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Developing relationships online is relatively new for me. Until about four years ago, I thought of the internet as nothing more than a tool. I used it for researching recipes, sending emails, and occasionally buying a book or an airline ticket. But then, I started writing a blog.Blogging gave me a way to claim a little space of my own out in cyberspace. As an aspiring writer, I had hoped it would be like hanging my virtual shingle. As it turned out, it was more like creating a home where I could invite people in. And the community that eventually developed is what this “We are Real” project is all about.It was my very first contact in the blogging world that providentially made my online life “real.” Ironically, I met her first in person at a writing conference. But since we lived several states away, our friendship quickly took to the ‘net.In those early days of blogging, I wasn’t always sure what to make of it, what would become of it. Back in 2006, I posted this comment on my friend’s blog: “Blogging is just another hue on the increasingly gray-scale palette of my life. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes a waste of time. Sometimes a perfectly useful way to process. Never always one way.”Then I was diagnosed with cancer. I hadn’t been blogging much in the few months prior. I was restless and distracted. The relationships I had started to build online seemed easy to set aside in favor of the drama that was unfolding in my real life. But I knew the people I was avoiding were real, too, and were probably wondering where I was. So I told them.Two days later, I found myself in the hospital.I know it was God’s providence that I reached out to my online community like I did just days before cancer. He knew I would need their support, would need their words of encouragement. When I finally made it home after a couple of weeks in the hospital and gathered the energy to post what I had been through, the response was overwhelming. Our relationship wasn’t just bits and bytes floating through cyberspace. It was real.Through continued connections with this same community that supported me through the ups and downs of cancer treatment and recovery, my path eventually crossed with Ann. Because we already knew each other online and had many mutual friends there, it was only natural to meet in person when we discovered we lived only 20 minutes apart.

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The other thing you should know about my relationship with Ann, however, is this. Long before we ever sat at my table and enjoyed zucchini brownies, and long before we sat at her table sharing a plate of cookies, I knew Ann likes food. I read about it here, on a Friday.One of our first interactions came as a result of her now famous steel cut oatmeal recipe. And since then, every time we’ve met there’s been some type of food exchange, including the zucchini dumping (er, I mean “gifting”) that I did the morning we went running togetherThese online relationships, they’re real alright. Ann has the zucchini to prove it.

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In the tradition of Food on Fridays, here’s a great recipe for artisan bread I shared with Ann recently. It is from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery that Revolutionizes Home Baking by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoe Francois (Thomas Dunne Books, 2007).Serves 4Note: This recipe must be prepared in advance.

• 1-1/2 tablespoons granulated yeast (about 1-1/2 packets)
• 1-1/2 tablespoons kosher salt
• 6-1/2 cups unbleached flour, plus extra for dusting dough
• Cornmeal

In a large plastic resealable container, mix yeast and salt into 3 cups lukewarm (about 100 degrees) water. Using a large spoon, stir in flour, mixing until mixture is uniformly moist with no dry patches. Do not knead. Dough will be wet and loose enough to conform to shape of plastic container. Cover, but not with an airtight lid.Let dough rise at room temperature, until dough begins to flatten on top or collapse, at least 2 hours and up to 5 hours. (At this point, dough can be refrigerated up to 2 weeks; refrigerated dough is easier to work with than room-temperature dough, so the authors recommend that first-time bakers refrigerate dough overnight or at least 3 hours.)When ready to bake, sprinkle cornmeal on a pizza peel. Place a broiler pan on bottom rack of oven. Place baking stone on middle rack and preheat oven to 450 degrees, preheating baking stone for at least 20 minutes.Sprinkle a little flour on dough and on your hands. Pull dough up and, using a serrated knife, cut off a grapefruit-size piece (about 1 pound). Working for 30 to 60 seconds (and adding flour as needed to prevent dough from sticking to hands; most dusting flour will fall off, it’s not intended to be incorporated into dough), turn dough in hands, gently stretching surface of dough, rotating ball a quarter-turn as you go, creating a rounded top and a bunched bottom.Place shaped dough on prepared pizza peel and let rest, uncovered, for 40 minutes. Repeat with remaining dough or refrigerate it in lidded container. (Even one day’s storage improves flavor and texture of bread. Dough can also be frozen in 1-pound portions in airtight containers and defrosted overnight in refrigerator prior to baking day.) Dust dough with flour.Using a serrated knife, slash top of dough in three parallel, 1/4-inch deep cuts (or in a tic-tac-toe pattern). Slide dough onto preheated baking stone. Pour 1 cup hot tap water into broiler pan and quickly close oven door to trap steam. Bake until crust is well-browned and firm to the touch, about 30 minutes. Remove from oven to a wire rack and cool completely.

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• Use my stainless steel water bottle. Stainless steel water bottles are often ridiculously expensive, but about a year ago I found some reasonably priced and bought five all at once. So I already own the bottles; we just need to start using them. Except for the plastic bottles that fit in a special holder attached to the frame of our bicycles, I’m going to donate or recycle all of our reusable plastic bottles.
• Look for Fair Trade chocolate. Tracey provides a lot of eye-opening information about the chocolate industry. She convinced me to find a store that carries it—it could be that Target might sell it; I just haven’t looked.
• Goodbye, paper towels. We use sponges, dish towels or rags for most cleanup, but we do usually have a roll of paper towels on hand for occasional spills. Years ago my uncle said that instead of using paper towels, he bought a stack of  “bar mops” for kitchen cleanup. “It’s how they taught us to do it in the Navy,” he explained. So just today I bought two packs of “bar mops.” They look like basic white towels. Then I went to Goodwill and bought a rectangular basket in which to store them. They’re on the counter, ready to swipe up splatters and blobs.
• Environmentally gentle dish-washing detergent. I’m going to pay a little more for Seventh Generation, Mrs. Meyers or Ecos brand detergents that Tracey recommends.
• Compost. We used to faithfully compost kitchen scraps, then I don’t know what happened. I guess I got lazy. I resolved to begin again and pulled out a plastic tub with a tight-fitting lid we can use while collecting peelings and egg shells during meal prep. The kids can run it out to the garden.
• Cloth shopping bags. I hate when I forget these, and it’s always when I’m standing at the checkout with my items rolling along the conveyor belt that I remember them. I will figure out a way to make this a habit.

Things we already do:

• Wash (most of) our clothes in cold water. I started doing this mainly because I was shrinking almost everything! Sometimes I do a load of extra-dirty whites in hot, but cold water has been working fine. And blouses are staying their normal size!
• Hang clothes to dry. This, too, I started because I was shrinking clothes and thought I should avoid the dryer. Plus, I like going outside in the quiet morning to hang them up and love the way they smell when they’re dry.
• Recycle. Apparently we recycle effectively, because our neighbors couldn’t believe our family of six could fit all of our trash into one container. We didn’t tell them that many times, the container isn’t even full.
• Cook from scratch. Because I usually cook from scratch, we use less packaging than if I used mixes and prepared foods. I like to think it’s healthier, without all those additives and preservatives.
• Buy organic and local. Whenever possible, I try to buy organic and locally grown foods. Shopping at the farmer’s market in the summer makes it easy. An organic farmer has a stand, and so far his produce hasn’t been much more expensive than the others.
• Bike whenever possible. For nearby errands, we are trying to use our bikes instead of driving the van. We can easily bike to the library, piano lessons, grocery stores, Goodwill, Barnes & Noble, Officemax, several restaurants and many other shopping destinations.
• Shop secondhand. Speaking of shopping (and Goodwill), I think of my Goodwill shopping as recycling. I buy 90 percent of my clothes from Goodwill (the remaining 10 percent represents swimwear, undergarments, socks, and a few nicer speaking outfits). I also buy books secondhand. And furniture. And cars.
• Glass storage. I’m trying to transition from plastic storage containers to glass. We aren’t totally there, but we’re moving in that direction.
• Travel mug. For tea or coffee, we are trying to use travel mugs. We usually make our beverage at home, but we’re also trying to grab the mugs if we’re off to church and will fill them there instead of using Styrofoam cups.
• Minimal A/C. I prefer relying on open windows and fans in the summer, but my husband does like to bring down the humidity with air conditioning sometimes. This morning, however, I came downstairs and he had opened all the windows to enjoy the morning breeze.
• Garden. We have a vegetable garden again this year. I’ve never been an amazing gardener, but I keep trying, year after year. We usually get a fair amount of tomatoes, zucchini and cucumbers, and it is so rewarding to pick stuff for dinner from my own garden plot.
• Consolidate errands. Whether I’m in my minivan or on my bicycle, I try my best to minimize errands, doing as much as possible in a given outing.
• Natural cleansers. For cleaning, we use really basic, natural products.

We do a lot of “green” things that are so normal to me, it doesn’t occur to me to identify it—I’m sure I could add lots of things on the list that we’ve been doing for years. It’s kind of fun to think about what’s become normal for us, or habit, and what we could do to change even more.Be sure to drop by the book giveaway post and read Tracey’s thoughts on “Slowing Green.”

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The post Simple Ways We've Gone Green appeared first on Ann Kroeker, Writing Coach.

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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome—though we love to try new dishes, your post doesn’t have to be a recipe. If you just want to list your three favorite cookbooks, that’ll do just fine.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post and join us through Mr. Linky.Here’s a Mr. Linky tutorial:

Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.Please note: I’ll do my best to update this post by hand. In the meantime, please click on the Mister Linky logo to view the complete list.

Food on Fridays Participants

Food on Fridays with AnnI had almost everything on hand to make Curried Chickpea Soup, a recipe that Breastfeeding Moms Unite included in last week’s carnival.So I tried making it, with modifications. I’ve annotated the recipe below.The biggest change was that I had to make a much smaller amount, but was too lazy to do any math. I also kept skipping over ingredients and then going back and adding things later. It got better and better. By the time I was done, this soup tasted so different from anything I’ve ever eaten and was so delicious, I wanted to cry. I ate three servings right away. Couldn’t stop myself.Curried Chick Pea Soup

• 8 cups vegetable broth (I used one can)
• 2 Tbsp olive oil (probably less, but I rarely measure olive oil)
• 1 yellow onion, finely diced (I used a tiny bit of onion—too much and I have digestive issues)
• 2 tsp salt (much less)
• 2 bay leaves
• 8 garlic cloves (Whoa! That’s a lot of garlic. I used one clove in the mincer)
• 3 Tbsp minced ginger (Forgot the ginger—added a little bit upon reheating, but it was delicious without)
• 2 jalapeño peppers, seeded (Didn’t have these and can’t stand the heat; used part of a green bell pepper)
• 1 red pepper (I had part of one)
• 6 ripe tomatoes (I had one big one)
• 1 tsp cumin seed (I had some ground cumin)
• 1 tsp coriander seed (Didn’t have this)
• 1 tsp paprika
• 1 tsp garam masala (I didn’t have this, either)
• 1/4 tsp cracked black pepper
• 1/8 tsp turmeric (I happened to have some of this)
• 3 cups canned/cooked chickpeas (I only used one can, which is why I had to monkey with the amounts of everything else)
• 1/4 cup prepared mango chutney (just a bit of Major Grey Chutney and once blended added sooo much to the flavor, wow)
• 1/2 can coconut milk (used almost this much, even though I made such a small amount of soup overall—gooooooood)
• 1/2 bunch cilantro, minced (Obviously just a sprig for the smaller amoung, but yum!)

Directions:Heat the oil in a soup pot and add onion, 1 tsp salt and bay leaves. Sauté until onions are soft and golden. Meanwhile., places the garlic, ginger, peppers, and tomatoes in a food processor and pulse until the vegetables form a rough purée. Set aside. Note: What makes this soup so good is the purée!Next, grind the cumin and coriander seeds. Add these and all remaining spices to the sautéed onions and continue cooking and stirring for 5 minutes. Add the vegetable purée and another tsp of salt and simmer until blobs of oil pool on the surface. Add the chick peas and vegetable broth and bring to a simmer. Cook several minutes, then add the chutney and coconut milk. Using a potato masher, gently mash the chick peas against the bottom of the pot to break them up slightly and thicken the soup. If this is something you don’t care about, don’t do it, as mashing the chick peas will cause their skins to come off, which many folks, including me and my kids don’t care for on their own. Simmer and season to taste with salt and cracked pepper. Add chopped cilantro just before serving.Serve with warm whole wheat chapati or pita bread and a salad.(Or just eat three bowls in a row without worrying about sides, because this is now what you crave more than chocolate.)

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The post Food on Fridays: Taste-Testing Chickpea Soup appeared first on Ann Kroeker, Writing Coach.

We parents joined the circle of junior high kids to pray together before sending them off on a week-long bicycle trip.

The Congolese driver overheard

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It’s easy to subscribe to annkroeker.com updates via email or RSS feed.Visit NotSoFastBook.com to learn more about Ann’s book.

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I was talking with a friend of mine about how people relate—or don’t relate—in our world today.

I’m friends with little 82-year-old Miss Jessie Parker, who came from the deep southern parts of Georgia, complete with a southern-fried accent and a heart of gold. And this woman simply amazed me. She did her own gardening, she still drove, she became very computer savvy…We would have many, many conversations in the middle of the day, in the middle of the yard, sometimes on the back porch and on occasion, over a nice little café for lunch … I learned a lot from talking with Miss Jessie Parker… she taught me that the early years of her life were very, very simple and uncomplicated. And she was completely fine with that simple way of life. She didn’t ask anybody to come along and add all this technology and all this crazy business of trying to make our lives easier. This easier way of life for us, so it seems, has really kind of messed up her world. And she would say things to me like:“Jill, when I was a young mother, we had time to carry the children down to the park in the buggy. We washed their diapers out, sterilized and boiled their glass bottles and somehow still managed to come home and make dinner and have it on the table in time for our husbands when they came home…”Thinking about this simpler life, I said, “Miss Jessie, where do you think it all … where did it all become unraveled for you?” And she didn’t even have to think about it … She knew exactly the answer and she said, “Jill, we used to have land for miles and miles. We didn’t have television and we didn’t have a radio, and so after supper, after the dishes were done, we would go out, and we would visit with the neighbors … for the rest of the evening until the lightning bugs would come out.”And she said the minute these privacy fences went up, we all stopped wanting to get together at night and chat and visit. Suddenly everybody wanted to be by themselves and be alone and be private. She couldn’t understand it.

You’ll note that Miss Jessie did mention the absence of TV and radio opening up time for visiting. But she emphasized the advent of the privacy fence as a turning point. I have to admit that we’ve loved the privacy fence. It keeps our big dog contained. Our kids can play in the yard without wandering off, which mattered a lot when our youngest was little. I can enjoy long quiet times on the back porch uninterrupted. I can examine the garden in my jammies.But I don’t talk as much with our neighbors.Thanks to Miss Jessie Parker, I plan to spend some time sitting on the front porch swing with some sweet tea, more visible and accessible. She’s reminded me how important it is to take a walk with the kids and wave at whoever is out doing yard work, in case they can visit for a few minutes.I can enjoy the privacy, bit it’s more important to have relationships.Yesterday afternoon, we were working inside the privacy fence in the garden, putting in our tomato plants. One of the neighbors walked right in through the gate without hesitating and asked to borrow the extension cord so he could finish trimming his bushes. We gladly loaned him ours, and I was relieved that the privacy fence didn’t hold him back. Maybe our privacy fence isn’t so isolating and private after all?Given that, I think I’ll don a robe before heading out to check the garden tomorrow morning.

“spying on the neighbors” photo by cjc4454, available from Flickr through a Creative Commons license.

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Throughout spring, my kids would come to me with requests to join their friends on outings such as sleepovers, birthday parties, and a production of “The Three Musketeers,” but I had to say no to almost everything. Something was already scheduled 97 percent of the time.

With spring winding down, however, our schedule is opening up. The kids and I recently reviewed the week’s activities: soccer practice, cleaning day, and an afternoon class that three of them would attend.

My 14-year-old daughter was leaning back in a plastic chair, fiddling with a toy pirate hook as I added that we’d have to leave the house very early one morning.

“Why?” she asked.

“Well,” I began, “Mrs. Huber invited you two older girls to go with her family to King’s Island.”

My daughter leaped up, flinging the plastic hook into the air. “What?!” she exclaimed. “And you’re actually letting us go?”

King’s Island is a big amusement park a couple of hours from our home. “Yes!” I said, grinning. “Yes, I’m letting you go.”

My shocked daughter flopped into her chair. “I can’t believe you actually said yes!” she said. The eldest laughed, incredulous.

Yes. Has it been that long since I said the word? I guess I’d been saying “no” so often these days, I forgot the fun of saying “yes.” In fact, I’ve been saying “no” to almost everything lately, even simple requests.

“Can I have a piece of candy?”

“No, it’s too close to dinner.”

“Can we go to the library?”

“No, not now.”

“May I have a gumball from that machine?”

“No, I don’t have any quarters and you have a bunch of gum at home.”

No. No. No.

For the past few months, “No” became my automatic response. The kids expected it. And the thing is, I’m usually a “yes” kind of mom. Why so much “no”? I thought of Corinne’s recent post framed as a poetic and positive letter to her kids proclaiming the deepest, truest Yes:

While I might often say No, know that my heart always screams Yes for both of you. Yes to your hopes and dreams. Yes to acknowledge your fears and individualism. Yes to you. It’s my mind that gets in the way, that automatically wants to say No, even though it’s unnatural and learned… my heart says Yes a thousand times a day. To getting on the floor and playing for hours at a time, to building forts and to reading the story of the day for the hundredth time.

I wanted to bring back my heart’s “yes.”

Yet, “no” can’t disappear entirely. As Corinne acknowledged, there will be times when we parents say “no”:

“No, you can’t go to a party without adult chaperones.”

“No, you can’t text during dinner because this is a time to talk as a family.”

“No, you can’t watch that show just because your friends do.”

Knowing when to say yes or no takes sensitivity and wisdom. I want to say “yes” when I can and “no” when I must. Sometimes my answer is a thought-out, purposeful, wise and loving “no.” But sometimes it’s a lazy “no.” Falling into the habit of saying “no” to every little thing simplifies some of the work of parenting. After all, decision-making’s a snap when the answer is always negative. But it’s hardly the laughing, loving life I want for our family.

So the day my daughter leaped out of her chair in shock when I said “yes,” I decided to bring a stop to the lazy, automatic “no.”

I said yes when the youngest asked to finish a bag of Skittles.

I said yes to their request for popsicles and play time at the neighbors.

They asked if they could make Kool-Aid. I said yes.

They wanted to play in the sprinkler. I said, “Yes, if you put your swimsuits on.” Later I wished I had simply said yes. Their play clothes could have gotten wet.

That night, my husband said yes when the girls asked to go to the store to shop for a pair of summer shorts. When they got home, the girls wanted to play a computer game for half an hour. He said yes.

I will say “yes” as often as I can.

Yes, climb that tree in the back yard and use the old blankets in the garage to make a tent on the clothes line.

Yes, let’s go to the library three times this week, pick daisies for a bouquet, and buy one box of Cocoa Puffs cereal, just for fun.

Spread out some newspapers and pull out the paint-by-numbers. Make a batch of brownies. Use up the leftover icing in the fridge. Roll down the hill and wade in the creek.

And yes, you may have a 25-cent gumball from the machine at the grocery. All four of you. Yes, even the teens.

While we’re at it, I might even get one for myself.

Because I like this. Yes, I like this a lot.

* * *

Post originally published at The High Calling.

The post Time for Yes appeared first on Ann Kroeker, Writing Coach.

1. Hosting: We’re hosting out-of-country guests for several days–my in-laws from Belgium are here! What a privilege to spend time with them, catching up after a long separation (we only see them every few years).
2. 31 Days Project: Several of my friends at HighCallingBlogs.com (HCB) are participating in a 31 Day to Build a Better Blog project. With guests in town during much of the month, I knew I could never keep up. But one of the assignments was the create a list post, so this is mine. I created a list post over at NotSoFastBook.com, as well. Today’s assignment is to join a forum and participate. HCB serves as my forum.
3. End of School Year: Like many of us, I’m wrapping up the 2009-2010 school year. Wrap-up includes work with our homeschool co-op where I facilitate an American Literature class as well as our work at home. In fact, as soon as I publish this post, I’m grading a stack of papers. In addition, invitations to open houses and graduations are rolling in. May is maxed out.
4. Mini Marathon: I mentioned on Twitter here and here and Facebook that our family (except The Boy) finished the Indy 500 Mini Marathon, the nation’s largest half-marathon. The two older girls walked it; the Belgian Wonder and I “wogged” it with our youngest daughter.
5. Ann Kroeker Facebook page: I set up an Ann Kroeker Facebook page (which is unfortunately known as a “fan” page … please don’t think I’m picturing myself as a celebrity with fans!). It’s just a place where anyone can visit me on Facebook. Feel free to pop by and “like” the page. If you do so, updates I post there will show up in your news feed. You don’ t have to friend me on Facebook to follow my updates. Also, you can post your own links and such right on the Ann Kroeker page, so if you have a “slow-down solution” you’ve found, for example, or if you write a relevant blog post, post it there; the Ann Kroeker page can be a place where we connect on that Not So Fast topic, as well other ideas and themes. I’m just starting to tap into its potential and look forward to developing it when I get through May and enter the freer summer months.
6. To Kill a Mockingbird: The last book of the school year that we’re reading for the co-op is To Kill a Mockingbird. Re-reading it for the fourth time with the students, I find myself reading a chapter, slapping the book shut with satisfaction, and shouting “I love this book!” to anyone who happens to be in the vicinity.
7. Teen Driver: My eldest daughter has been driving on her permit for some time, but this Wednesday she takes her official driving test. The following Tuesday she can take her written test. After that, if all goes well, she gets her operator’s license. Don’t be frightened; she’s a pretty good driver.
8. Camera: I was given the gift of a nice new camera at Christmas—a splurge gift that the Belgian Wonder and I have been discussing for years (but never acted on … until now). I don’t have aspirations of gradually upgrading equipment to professional quality; I’m not even a gifted amateur. But even as an average, everyday photographer, I have really loved learning new things as I happily click away. Photoplay tips from the HCB photo editor Claire Burge have inspired, as well. The results motivate me to try new things and shoot even more snapshots of our daily lives. So I just want to publicly thank my husband and the whole family for blessing me, and I hope my experiments bless the six of us with pleasing visual records of this era of our lives. Ironically, I’m not including a photo of the camera; I tried to take one in the mirror, but it didn’t turn out quite right.
9. Speaking: I spoke at St. Mark’s Methodist Church in Carmel, Indiana, a couple of weeks ago. On the weekend of May 22-23, I’ll be interviewed at Grace Community Church in Noblesville, Indiana, on the topic of families slowing down and simplifying enough to nurture a more contemplative life, seeking and submitting to Christ together.
10. “How can I help?”: My father-in-law grew up in what was then the Belgian Congo (now Democratic Republic of Congo, or DRC). We’re looking forward to hearing stories and seeing pictures from a recent trip to DRC. In his travels throughout the cities of Kinshasa, Kikwit, and out into the rural areas of the Bandundu province, he asked the people, “How can we help?” We will get to hear what the people said when my father-in-law posed the question and listened; we will learn how we can help.

I wonder what the world could be like if we all asked that question and listened carefully to the response? How can we help? We could ask it country to country, church to church, neighbor to neighbor, child to parent—anyone to anyone: “How can I help?” Can we try it today, with someone we love? Can we ask with open minds and hearts … and truly listen?

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If I waited for the perfect conditions to develop my writing life, I’d still be waiting.

Back in the early 1990s, I did manage to explore writing as my work, as a way of life. I wrote and submitted a few magazine articles and met with businesses to launch a career in corporate freelance writing. Then we started our family. Our first three children were born within four years of each other (the fourth came along a few years later).

Consumed by the demands and intensity of young motherhood, I could have shoved my computer screen, pen and notebook into a closet for about twelve years and waited until the conditions were right. I could have waited until my oldest two girls were old enough to babysit the younger two. I could have waited until I had a little office or study or library or nook to call my own. I could have waited until I had long chunks of uninterrupted time.

Instead, I wrote.

I wrote when the kids were napping. I wrote late at night. I wrote in my head when I took them for a walk to the park and scribbled down my ideas when they were eating a snack.

I stole time.

Sometimes I wrote well, but most of what I wrote served as compost, breaking down in my mind, heart, and spirit to feed new and potentially better ideas. Regardless of the quality of what I produced, I wrote. I practiced. I learned.

And I read. With a book tucked in my diaper bag or purse, I could steal a moment now and then to consume some new thought written by authors I respected, whose information I craved, whose ideas would feed the glowing coals of creativity that glimmered softly inside of me as I changed diapers, swept Cheerios and scraped hunks of banana from the high chair tray.

I kept the energy of writing alive during those hectic years, and when the flame flashed, I’d try to grab something on which to write, even if it meant borrowing a crayon and scribble pad that the kids were using for stick-people adventure stories.

This made for a spontaneous, messy writing life. Scraps of paper strewn on the kitchen table or nightstand represented that flash of insight I managed to scratch onto the back of an envelope. Life with newborns and toddlers required tremendous focus and energy, leaving little chance for a regular schedule. I grabbed opportunities when I could, leaving a trail of pens and paper throughout the house and shoved into cup holders in the car.

I identified with other writer-moms, such as Barbara Kingsolver. She would read about rituals of other authors who had seemingly endless time to create the writing mood—hours of photography or flower arranging before sitting at the desk to compose one word. She quoted one author who described his muse at length. Kingsolver, a busy mom with no time for flower-arranging, had to write with the time she was given. She described her own muse:

My muse wears a baseball cap, backward. The minute my daughter is on the school bus, he saunters up behind me with a bat slung over his shoulder and says oh so directly, “Okay, author lady, you’ve got six hours till that bus rolls back up the drive. You can sit down and write, now, or you can think about looking for a day job.” (p. 96, High Tide in Tucson, Barbara Kingsolver)

Kingsolver understands the limitations of motherhood and the challenge of writing in the midst of it. She quotes Lucille Clifton responding to the question “Why are your poems always short?” Ms. Clifton replied, “I have six children, and a memory that can hold about twenty lines until the end of the day.”

Clifton encouraged me to plan out my work mentally while I’m on-the-go, storing up thoughts until the end of the day, when the kids were in bed and the words could spill out.

My kids are much older now; my conditions remain imperfect but are much more conducive to writing. My children are more independent—my oldest has her driver’s permit. But it seems I still have to steal time.

Apparently the conditions for writing will never be perfect.

I need to be reminded of this again and again. Julia Cameron, in The Right to Write says:

The ‘if-I-had-time’ lie is a convenient way to ignore the fact that novels require being written and that writing happens a sentence at a time. Sentences can happen in a moment. Enough stolen moments, enough stolen sentences, and a novel is born–without the luxury of time…

Yes, it is daunting to think of finding time to write an entire novel, but it is not so daunting to think of finding time to write a paragraph, even a sentence. And paragraphs, made of sentences, are what novels are really made of. (p. 14, 15, The Right to Write, Julia Cameron)

This reminds me of a quote I heard at the Festival of Faith & Writing in 2010. Author Parker Palmer said:

If you can’t write a book, write a bunch of essays. If you can’t write a bunch of essays, write a bunch of paragraphs. If you can’t write a bunch of paragraphs, write lines. If you can’t write lines, write some words. And if you can’t write some words, write your truth with your own life, which is far more important than any book. (Parker Palmer at the Festival of Faith & Writing 2010)

Poets, bloggers, novelists, creative nonfiction writers, essayists, letter writers, journalists, composers; we must all get to work. Write a book, essays, paragraphs, lines, or just write a few words, but for heaven’s sake—be sure to write with your life.

No matter what complicates schedules—whether you have a full-time job or you’re a full-time caregiver—write what you can, when you can. Because the conditions are never perfect. 

___________________________________

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In the beginning, God created trees.

It wasn’t the first or only thing He created, of course, but He spoke vegetation into existence by commanding the land to produce it. And there came the trees bearing fruit with seed in them according to their kinds. God saw that it was good, and then He closed out the third day. Done.

And to this day, we can think about trees, bearing seed according to their kinds: shagbark hickory, sassafras, dogwood and redbud. Apple, pear and persimmon trees; walnut, oaks, and ash. White pine, blue spruce, buckeye and willow. Beyond the woods of Indiana, there are palms and redwoods, orange and grapefruit trees; fig, olive, jacaranda and eucalyptus trees.

It’s amazing to ponder the miracle of a tree. They begin so small: an acorn, pine cone, sweetgum ball, a whirlygig from a maple tree. From seed to sprig to a shoot with an ever-widening root system, it branches out, and a tender young tree stakes its claim in the soil beneath and the sky above, pushing toward the heavens.

While it grows and changes, it faces seasons. With seasons, comes more change: from dormant winter to sap-rising spring, when buds, burgeoning, draw light from the sun to deepen through summer. Fall comes, and trees explode in vivid color before dropping their leaves to return to quiet, solemn, exposed outlines against the gray skies of winter.

A Creator worked seasonal transformation into the bigger change of seed to tree. Change is good, He might say. Without it, there could be no seed, no future trees, no possibility for growth.Look at a tree if you can; study it, ponder it, sit under it, climb it, rub your hands over it. Then think of the tree and the change, the strength it develops as it lives through another season, another year, earning another ring deep within.

Jesus was present at Creation, His voice somehow joining with the Father and Spirit, speaking everything into existence.

What, then, was it like for Creator-Jesus to come to earth and be immediately placed in a manger, probably rough-hewn from logs cut from trees He Himself first sculpted? What was it like for Creator-Jesus to later become Carpenter Jesus?

As He grew, Jesus would have been surrounded by wood shavings and sawdust, as tables, chairs, chests and cradles were constructed from bark-covered logs stripped by His earthly father, and later, by Jesus Himself.

He would have learned what wood worked best for each piece, shaping it to fit His purpose: He may have carved designs into wooden chalices, whittled a knob for a drawer, and chiseled joints to form a solid bed that would bless some newlyweds. He would have known the earthy smell of freshly sawn wood and recognized a tree from the scent of its discarded chips and scraps flaring up in a fire warming His dinner.

Imagine Him walking the rugged landscape of the Holy Land, made Holy by His presence there, pausing to lean against a fig tree, or reaching to brush his fingertips against an olive branch, privately enjoying the familiar feel of wood, known so well to His rough hands. Jesus even sought the cool silence of trees in the darkness of Gethsemane, as He agonized over the Plan.

How did it feel, hours later, to be hauling His cross, the wood of a tree cut to destroy? The Creator, crushed under the weight of a tree. He felt it against His body, no chance or thought to run His hands over it with the pleasing realization that He had spoken it into existence. Nor would He have imagined it stripped of bark and smoothed into a chair leg or a spinning wheel. His mind was focused on other things, on a transformation He alone could understand … a transformation He alone could bring about.

As the Creator-Carpenter hung, nailed to a tree, splintered wood was the last thing He felt as He let the greatest transformation of all begin.

From that point on, true change, true transformation for each of us was possible. The Creator-Carpenter, as Christ…on a cross.

Let us think of that, as we ponder a tree.

© 2002 Ann Kroeker

Photos stock.xchange.com

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At HighCallingBlogs.com today, Bradley J. Moore of Shrinking the Camel explores the question, “When is Negative Feedback Too Negative?” He spotlighted my post “Reward the Good and Ignore the Bad: Does it Work?”

We know that unhealthy criticism for no good reason can demoralize. But how do you point out negative behaviors if you want to develop people, to help them reach their full potential?

I’ve been thinking about this topic quite a bit, and his post generated some additional thoughts that I tapped out as a comment and offer here as food for thought:

On the receiving end of critique:

Many years ago, I attended a small group training session. The leader said that one of the critical steps in gaining valuable input from people in the group was to take them out one-on-one and ask each person, “How can I improve as a leader?” Then he said it’s critical to listen without saying one defensive or explanatory word. Just listen and take notes. The person may say something small at first, to test how you’ll respond. Write down the answer, thank them, and ask, “What else?” Little by little you can get great input for how to improve and build trust with the person in your group, demonstrating that you really care about his or her opinion.

I’ve done this with my kids as well as teams I’ve led (usually volunteers in a church setting). When the person offering input sees that you aren’t going to get angry or fall apart, he can feel free to offer invaluable (if painful) information. And because I invited it, it’s easier for me to take to heart. But it’s hard to hear what I’m doing poorly, as a parent or team leader. And it’s really, really hard not to explain or defend myself; but when I refrain from that and just listen, I can consider the critique and figure out if/how to change. My kids have been grateful to have me ask and know that I’m really listening when they offer some of their concerns.

When giving input/critique:

My eldest daughter has her driver’s permit, and I’ve been thinking about and practicing the positive feedback approach with her. Sometimes, however, for safety reasons I simply have to correct and stop a dangerous move; sometimes I simply cannot “ignore the bad.” But I am making a point to identify things she’s doing well, “rewarding the good” by pointing it out with a compliment.

• Check Tone & Motive: When I have to give some negative input–not just when out driving with my daughter, but with anyone–I’m trying to check my tone and my motive, too. I also try to add some explanation as to why the change would be beneficial. And I try to follow up when I see the person change and affirm them.
• In the Context of Trust, Respect & Love: The clicker training mentioned in my original post could be very superficial and only focus on behavior–it may work well for step-by-step training but not for subtle analysis. (Leslie Leyland Fields expresses her concern with actual programs that promote a clicker-training approach to parenting in her post “Training is Not Enough!!“) With my family and friends, I want to be building relationships and reaching their hearts. I want any input to be in the context of trust, respect and love.
• Praise Sandwich/One-Minute Praise: Erin of Together for Good added this:

Not only am I grateful for Erin’s reminder that God roots out the bad–the sin–and that the good in us is a result of His Spirit’s work and strength, but I also really like her idea of “praise sandwiches.” Kenneth Blanchard’s One-Minute Manager advocates “one-minute praise” as immediate and specific as possible. I should note that he also does advocate immediate and specific “one-minute reprimands” followed with a reassuring handshake that affirms the person is valuable to the organization. Blanchard’s three-step “One-Minute Praise” and four-step “One-Minute Reprimand” processes are summarized HERE.

Any human, young or old, can better hear what needs improvement when it’s sandwiched between or at least followed up with what he or she is doing right.

An Atmosphere of Affirmation

I grew up with a lot of negativity, where nothing I did, not even sweeping grass off the porch, could be done to the satisfaction of one of my parents. I longed to hear something good reinforced, but most of the input I received was criticism. As a result, I developed a skewed image of myself. Developing my identity in that atmosphere of negativity, I couldn’t come close to reaching my full potential; I was plagued with self-doubt and insecurity.

Now, as a mom, I think I’m extra tuned-in to this topic because I really want to figure out what works and how I can offer input that is both loving and beneficial. I want my children to flourish in an environment that is predominately positive. And when I must correct, I want them to hear the truth spoken … in love.

I agree with Erin that none of us is innately “good,” that we are lost without our Savior, and that we must watch out for pride. But I also know firsthand the crippling effects of criticism and negativity.

When I do point out a fault in my kids or offer some criticism or correction, I want to follow up with a hug—the family version of Blanchard’s handshake—so that each child knows he or she is loved no matter what. And as I mentioned above, I want to be open to their own critique of me. If I model gentle, loving correction, perhaps they’ll go easy on me when I ask how they feel I could improve as a parent!

If I’m going to err in a direction, I want it to be in the direction of affirmation and praise.

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In A Circle of Quiet, Madeleine L’Engle wrote:

During the long drag of years before our youngest child went to school, my love for my family and my need to write were in acute conflict. The problem was really that I put two things first. My husband and children came first. So did my writing. Bump.

The conflict—or collision—of work and family summed up in a word:  Bump.Ouch.

• How do you handle the collision of work and family?

• How have demanding seasons of work affected your family life?

• Is your current pace “sustainable”?

• What changes have you already made—or what changes could you make—to create a more sustainable life? Have you “trimmed your day,” for example, and simplified?

“Remember, there is no Bump” photo by Ethan Lofton available through Flickr under a Creative Commons license.

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“Snow Jog” photo by Ann Kroeker © 2007

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Not long ago I wrote about Destructive Criticism vs. Healthy Critique when working with writers. The post generated a variety of responses as the conversation continued in the comments.

Shepherdsgrace, for example, had a terrific experience in a writing workshop that included input from the professor and classmates. She explained:

when I was in college I had the audacity, I was a chemistry major through and through, to take a creative writing class…and although an instructor was a fellow student and they all “lived” writing, reading…and were steeped in all things literature…they were very welcoming and friendly to me…I think it was because I was from “outside” their hallowed building, just a curious interloper…they were helpful and gentle at the same time…a little healthy criticism that isn’t couched in petty meanness and caustic barbs will go very far with me…that was one of the funnest classes I ever took…ever…for curious minds, it was a short fiction writing course.

Joyce’s writing workshop experience, however, was quite different from that of shepherdsgrace:

Several years ago I took a university course in creative writing. How I wish that the professor had understood the difference between [Destructive Criticism] and [Healthy Critique]. Not only was he merciless in his comments—written, of course, in red ink on our papers—but he encouraged the class to “critique” each other’s work in the same vein. One student obviously enjoyed this activity and was permitted by the instructor to savage his classmates’ efforts. As a result, many students dropped the class. I continued to the end, but didn’t write another thing for over a year until I had gotten over the experience and realized that the opinions of mean-spirited people really shouldn’t count. That professor has been invited to be the keynote speaker at the awards ceremony for a poetry competition I entered recently. I don’t think I will attend.

LL Barkat described her positive approach when working with writers and other creative types (emphasis mine):

Okay, honestly I don’t believe in critique. I believe in saying what works. Again and again and again. This gets tricky if I’m editing a piece, but even then I want to communicate the idea… hey, if I pulled something out it was only to make sure the good stuff shined the way I knew it could if it was left to itself.

Finally, I’d like to highlight what Gretchen wrote after exploring this topic with others. I’m so grateful she took time to share her findings (I’ve taken the liberty of emphasizing some statements):

I have discussed your post over the last several weeks with colleagues, co-workers, family, and friends.  Many points for discussion—including the definition of criticism vs. critique, sensitivity of an aspect of our lives to the perception of others, and the value of what we hold to be dear.There has been varying degrees of agreement and disagreement with the interpretation of criticism as outlined in your reference of Scribes Alley but all generally agreed that it is how one conveys the tone and character of that analysis which is important and what profoundly affects that memorable experience.I think that it can be argued in evaluating  the merit of a piece or performance, one should not omit the deficits as it can lead to continued weakness with lack of correction concluding with underperformance or the loss of potential of what could be.  In an effort to be “kind” it is really doing no favors.What is true is that no one person wants the “mean girls” to come “knock’n” on your doors of creativity or the things we hold dear.As for the comment that was essentially tasteless ridicule (and lacking in substantial value), I say kick it to the curb and leave it there as I suspect you already have.

Yes, Gretchen, I have indeed kicked to the curb that comment about my poetry—and I appreciate the time you took to explore this topic thoroughly.

All of the comments gave me much to consider, especially as I evaluate the papers of enthusiastic students who are emerging or developing writers. It’s tempting to focus on the mistakes—on what needs to be fixed—and ignore what’s working. I want to applaud what students are doing well so that they can recognize the places where they expressed themselves effectively; yet, I also want to mark errors in hopes of training students to develop good writing habits early on in the same way a piano teacher might correct posture or hand positions.

As Gretchen said, if I omit deficits, students may take much longer to reach their potential. That said, I have been curious to attempt an all-positive approach; or, as LL Barkat described it, “saying what works. Again and again and again.”

Back in 2006 I read an article in The New York Times called “What Shamu Taught Me About Marriage,” by Amy Sutherland. Tired of nagging her husband to change minor habits such as habitually misplacing his keys or leaving used tissues in his wake, Sutherland switched to positive reinforcement. The idea came to her while researching exotic animal trainers and how they could get “hyenas to pirouette on command, cougars to offer their paws for a nail clipping, and baboons to skateboard.” Sutherland wrote:

The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don’t. After all, you don’t get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging. The same goes for the American husband.

She began to thank her husband when he placed just one dirty shirt in the hamper. Meanwhile, she would step over soiled clothes that remained on the floor without saying a word about it—thus rewarding desired behavior and ignoring the rest. As he basked in her gratitude, the piles of soiled clothes shrank. Success came from pointing out what worked and ignoring what didn’t.

Sutherland did, by the way, confess her techniques to her husband. He was not only amused; he learned how they worked and tried them out on her, as well.

Another place I’ve seen the rewards-only technique is online with “TAGteach,” where clickers (yes, the same clickers used by dolphin and dog trainers) are used for training people to learn new skills. In the following video, kids learn basic high jump techniques:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH63lywm_Sc]

The TAGteach blog explains a few key points:

Note the self assessment and absence of frustration when they miss the tag point. This video shows rapid learning of a complex skill without ever pointing out mistakes. It also provides a good example of backchaining… starting with the last part of the skill and gradually adding pieces to move toward the completed skill.

The positive is reinforced with a reward—a “Click”—while the undesirable is ignored. Here’s another example in which a young boy learns to tie shoes from a teacher who uses only positive reinforcement (and a clicker…and apparently a few beans).

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlA8lK1_lII]

What do you think?

Could this work with writers, focusing on one skill at a time and rewarding them with the equivalent of a “click” when I spot it effectively woven into their assignment? Perhaps writing a simple “Yes!” next to the skill performed well (attempting simile or alliteration, for example), while ignoring all other problems?

It must require tremendous restraint. But what a great atmosphere the positive approach could create. As people discover what works, they can duplicate results, perfect that skill and move to the next level.

It builds confidence that’s based on substance. Positive reinforcement recently worked with me. I wish I could say it was in the area of professional development, but the reality is that it’s a bit more vain. This week I wore a new (well, new-to-me) striped blouse with a vest and nice-fitting jeans. I’m never confident putting together outfits, and my friends were seeing this combination on me for the first time. I worried a little. Did it work? Or did I look like a Goodwill goofball? Two people went out of their way to tell me, “You look cute!”

“Click.”

“Click.”

Guess what I’m wearing today?

Please leave a comment if you’ve applied an all-positive technique to a unique area (such as writing or skill-building with humans), rewarding the good behavior and ignoring the bad—I’m curious to hear real-life stories and results.

Flickr photo “Writing” by Jonathan Kim. Available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license.

Flickr photo “little boy thumbs up” by Michele Truex. Available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license.

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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome—it doesn’t have to be a recipe. If you just want to post photos of your food processor blades, that’ll do just fine.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post and join us through Mr. Linky.Here’s a Mr. Linky tutorial:

Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.Please note: I return when possible during the day and update this post by hand to include a list of the links provided via Mr. Linky. If I can’t get to the computer to do so, you may access them all by clicking on the Mister Linky logo.

Food on Fridays Participants

Food on Fridays with AnnFor years I’ve made macaroni and cheese from scratch by whipping up a white sauce (flour-based roux & milk), adding cheese, and mixing it into the cooked macaroni. Now that I’ve made it four hundred twenty-seven times, it’s easy to throw together. But it dirties a lot of pans.So when I read through Leila’s fast, easy, creamy, cheesy macaroni and cheese instructions, I couldn’t wait to try it.People, I will never go back.I’ve been transformed; or, my macaroni and cheese has been transformed, and that’s almost the same thing.So get out your cornstarch, pick up a bag of sharp cheddar cheese next time you’re at the store, and have fun with Leila’s charming, freeing, beautifully documented step-by-step tutorial.I’m here to tell you…Dinner will never be the same.

Photo of Leila’s Fast, Easy, Creamy, Cheesy Macaroni and Cheese from “Our Mothers, Our Daughters.”

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Mega Memory Month January 2010

Final Celebration

Mega Memory Month comes to a close.

The last day of the month, January 31st, falls on a Sunday. I love that. Those of us who have memorized Scripture can post our passages and share them on a day of rest and worship.

Let’s share our projects, our progress, our successes!

Link up your posts via Mr. Linky or create something to publish on the Facebook Event page for Mega Memory Month, which you can access (write your comments on the wall!) HERE.

Mega Memory Month Participants(visit! encourage! be inspired!)

Ann’s Mega Memory Month Project:Colossians 1My original goal was to memorize all of Colossians 1, but I couldn’t finish. So I focused on what I could manage—verses 1-18.My final celebration isn’t fancy. I’m simply going to type it out from memory. I wish it were error-free, but I’m not quite there (I proofed my from-memory version against the original NIV text, adding missing words in red and crossing out words that shouldn’t be there):

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,To the holy and faithful brothers in Christ at Colosse:Grace and peace to you from God our Father.We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints–the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel has been is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has already been doing among you since the day you first heard it and understood God’s grace in all its truth. You heard it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a fellow ministry of Christ on our behalf, and who also told us of your love in the Spirit.For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking the Lord God to fill you with the knowledge of his will with through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you might may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. In For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. And He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.

Part of me wonders, Is this worth celebrating? Look, it’s only a little over half what I said I’d tackle, and it’s full of errors!Yet, if it weren’t for Mega Memory Month, I might not have bothered with it at all. So I think it is worth it, and I hope you think so, too.Thank you for joining me in the challenge. Thank you for holding me accountable. Thank you for committing to something mega.In the paraphrased words of Paul from his letter to the Colossians, I hope that this project helped you grow in the knowledge of God; that He strengthened you with all power according to His glorious might. I hope you developed great endurance and patience through it.May we now, at the conclusion of this month, joyfully give thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.In everything, Jesus Christ has the supremacy. Amen.

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Photo by HCB-network member nAncY of Just Say the Word.

“Hammers on Black.” Just Say the Word. 7 January 2010. Web. 27 Jan. 2010. <http://justsaytheword.wordpress.com/2010/01/07/1929/>.

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One morning I spied my son sitting on one of the kitchen chairs, his toes easily touching the floor. I stopped and stared. Something about his posture and those long, lean legs … for a moment, backlit by the morning sun, my eight-year-old boy looked like a teenager.Now, I was a little groggy, which may have added to the effect, but the thought of him that much older made my heart gasp.I didn’t mention it to him at the time. I just moseyed across the room to make my pot of tea. But later in the day, while visiting the library, we stepped into the elevator and I told him.“This morning when I saw you sitting at the kitchen table, I thought, ‘Wow, he looks like a teenager.’”He laughed.I continued, “I feel like I’m just going to *blink* and you’ll be all grown up.” I squeezed my eyes shut and popped them open wide for dramatic effect.He giggled. Goofy mom…

Today at HighCallingBlogs (HCB) I wrote about how quickly the kids seem to grow and how little we can do to stop it.But I found some writers in the HCB network who seem to know how to slow down and take it all in, experience life through all senses, and relish each moment. I invite you to slip over to HighCallingBlogs.com and read my story along with excerpts of theirs and then let me (and HCB readers) know your secret: How do you take in life when it wants to race forward in a *blink*?How do you relish each moment?In the midst of a life that refuses to slow down, how do you slow yourself?I told my kids about my story, describing how I feel that in a  *blink*, they’re all grown up. Their advice?“Don’t blink!”Read “It Happens in a Blink” HERE.

“Long legs” photo © 2010 by Ann Kroeker.

Mega Memory Month January 2010 has returned!

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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome. Recipes are enjoyed, but you can describe your Christmas menu. I actually would be interested to know what you have for breakfast and the main meal.Anyway, my point is that the Food on Fridays parameters are not at all narrow. I think of it as a virtual pitch-in where everyone brings something to share; even if the content of one item is unrelated to the rest, we sample it all anyway and have a great time.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or the new smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post and join us through Mr. Linky.Here’s a Mr. Linky tutorial:

Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.Please note: I return when possible during the day and update this post by hand to include a list of the links provided via Mr. Linky. If I can’t get to the computer to do so, you may access them all by clicking on the Mister Linky logo.

Food on Fridays with Ann

Next Friday is Christmas Day. If I think of it, I’ll toss up a Christmas greeting with a Mr. Linky for super-motivated foodies, but don’t hold me to it.When I was visiting some of last week’s Food on Fridays participants, I was particularly intrigued by the very first link.Frugal Antics of a Harried Homemaker linked to a recipe for Gingerbread with Lemon Sauce.I’ve never made gingerbread before. The kids have never tasted it.So I decided to give it a try.Yum!Some of the kids weren’t too keen on the lemon sauce, but they’re picky eaters. So we won’t count their votes.Most of us devoured our first serving and helped ourselves to a second.She described this gingerbread as a cake-y, warm, “Old World” version that she found in a 1936 Pennsylvania Dutch cookbook.  The lemon sauce recipe comes from the 1945 American Woman’s Cook Book.Click on THIS LINK for her recipe.Here is a brief pictorial of my first experience making gingerbread.First I was startled by the amount of molasses required. One whole cup used up half the bottle. It smells a little weird, too, so I was glad none of the kids wandered in at this point.

What is molasses, anyway? I wondered this, and in the spirit of lifelong learning, I looked it up. Unlike my industrious son who heaved open the giant Webster’s Third New International Dictionary, I simply clicked on Merriam-Webster online.

What is molasses? Click HERE for dictionary definition. Click HERE for Wikipedia explanation. Click HERE to read about the Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919.

One of the kids came into the kitchen and asked what I was baking.

“Gingerbread,” I answered.

“Oh! Is it gingerbread cookies?”

“No, it’s gingerbread.”

“Can we make it into a gingerbread house?”

“No, it’s just gingerbread. It will be like cake.”

“Oh.”

I repeated that exchange almost verbatim three times with three different kids.

Never made lemon sauce before. I think it turned out right.

Most of my baking takes place at night when there’s no natural light, so these pictures never turn out all that great.

Nevertheless, here it is. A slice of gingerbread with lemon sauce.

I don’t really have a particular holiday treat that everyone waits all year for me to make. I thought this could be the thing. I loved it and would make it again and again.

I suspect that the kids, however, would prefer that I try making the dough for a gingerbread man, instead.

Anyone have a good gingerbread cookie recipe for me to try?

May you enjoy many delicious Christmas memories!

Get ready … Mega Memory Month returns January 2010!

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“Nestled Apple” photo by Ann Kroeker (2009).

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Someone published the dialogue from that scene in an essay both here and here, so I pulled from that source to post it. The interaction originated from the film:

Adams: In the courtroom, whoever tells the best story, wins. What is their story, by the way?

Jodson: Sir?

Adams: What is their story?

Jodson:  They’re from West Africa.

Adams: No, what is their story?

(Jodson remains silent, looking puzzled.)

Adams: Mr. Jodson, where are you from originally?

Jodson: Georgia.

Adams: Is that who you are, a Georgian? Is that your story? No, you’re an ex-slave who’s devoted his life to the abolition of slavery and overcome great obstacles and hardships along the way, I should imagine. That’s your story, isn’t it?

(Jodson nods, slowly, with a slight smile.)

Adams: You have proven you know what they are. They’re Africans. Congratulations. What you don’t know—and as far as I can tell haven’t bothered in the least to discover—is who they are. (Cunningham 1151)

I can fairly easily answer the question What am I?

I’m a wife, mom, writer, coach.

But the more compelling question is Who am I … What’s my story?

And what’s next? What’s the next line of my story? The next scene? The next page? The next chapter?

As we try to discover the story that’s been written thus far, we have an opportunity to find themes in the unfolding of the years and purpose in the unfolding of our days.

When we get an idea of our story, we can understand better who we are—and who we want to be.

* * *

Works Cited:
Amistad. Dir. Steven Spielberg. Perf. Morgan Freeman, Nigel Hawthorne, Anthony Hopkins, Djimon Hounsou, Matthew McConaughey, David Paymer, Pete Postlethwaite, and Stellan Skarsgard. DreamWorks, 1997. DVD.
Cunningham, Clark D.  “But What Is Their Story?” Emory Law Journal. Vol . 52 Special Edition (2003): 1151. Web. 15 Nov. 2009. <http://law.gsu.edu/Communication/Emory.pdf>.

Image by: Ivan Prole. “Notebook with spiral and red cover.” 2009. stock.xchng. Web. 15 Nov. 2009.

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The Scarlet Letter was my first book to try to organize existing materials. While there are many outstanding resources, and a trained teacher with years of experience would have much more insight than I, here is what I pulled together:

• Study Guide: For accountability and to check comprehension, I try to find a study guide for each book that the students must fill out as they read. We only meet once a week, so if they can’t figure out what’s important to note in the assigned chapters, they could be lost for days before we clear it up in class discussion. I used this Glencoe study guide that I found online, picking and choosing the activities (they had to complete the questions, but I skipped or modified some of the activities).
• Skit: Based on some feedback I got via e-mail, I got the feeling the students didn’t understand what was happening in “The Custom House” and the first few chapters of the book, so I brought in a construction paper “A,” a fake flower, and a big piece of cardboard. I had the students act out the basics of “The Custom House,” having the Nathaniel Hawthorne/Narrator discover the “A” among the papers. Then we switched to the story itself and someone held the cardboard to be the prison door. Someone else held the flower to be the rose bush. And we talked about the symbolism after they acted it out. I ran around sort of giving instructions and offering a sketchy narration, walking them through the first few events. The book has quite a dramatic opening, but I think its impact and drama can get lost in the difficult vocabulary. For a few minutes, I wanted them to experience the story without sifting through the words.
• Pillory: I found a great photo of a pillory online so they could envision where Hester was standing for her public humiliation. A quick search should turn up examples.
• Journal: The students are required to keep a reading journal, one entry per school day (a minimum of five sentences per entry; yes, I’ve had to count). I check these to be sure they are tracking. They are asked to be responding to their reading in some way—I wanted them to have a safe place to talk freely about the books. I could probably do better at creating some vision for the journals. Some of them don’t seem to grasp the potential of recording their responses and struggle to fill an entry.
• Vocabulary: The study guide provided some vocabulary lists. I used those.
• Quizzes: Most of the quizzes were vocabulary quizzes, since there are so many challenging words in The Scarlet Letter. I had my dictionary next to me the entire time I was reading the book. I should probably try to design them SAT-style, but I haven’t yet; the quizzes have been straightforward, matching the definition to the word.
• Study Resources: I referenced SparkNotes to see what those guides had to say.
• Story Chart: I used a story chart for them to identify key events and people in the book.
• Test: I created the test by modifying the quizzes found at this page. I deleted some questions, changed some of the answers, and added more multiple choice along with some short answer. Some of the questions included the definition of “plot,” “theme,” and “conflict,” which we talked about in class. They also had to answer two short essay questions: (1) “How do guilt, sin and/or shame change Hester, Dimmesdale and Chillingworth?” and (2) “Which character in The Scarlet Letter felt the most alienation? Why do you feel this way?” They were expected to cite at least one passage from the book to support their point(s) as well as talk about plot points or turning points in their own words. They had access to their books for the short essay questions, but not for the multiple-choice/short answer portion.
• Essay Writing: To help the students learn the basics of character analysis, I referenced this and for comparison/contrast essays and sent them to this simple sample essay was annotated to show what worked well. And I really liked this mind map as a tool to help them organize their thoughts and ideas before writing their essay. I took some time one week to walk them through it, though I don’t know if they still reference it.
• Essay Format: To help them learn MLA format, I’ve sent them to the OWL at Purdue.
• Essay Grading: I’ve been using the 6+1 Traits rubric for grading the writing. I like this summary, because it gives me a quick reference while grading that I can also share with the kids, so they can see what I’m looking for.
• Final Project: For their final project, I pulled ideas from Cliff’s Notes. They could choose from the following:

Final Projects

1. Rewrite the forest scene using modern language. (No one chose this.)

2. Write a short story about how the story would be different if Chillingworth’s ship had actually wrecked and he’d never come ashore. (One student wrote a new ending, sort of combining choices 2 and 3, and the result was a charming and much, much happier conclusion for the main characters.)

3. Write a description of Pearl’s future after the novel ends. Does she marry? Have a family? What is her life like? Be sure your choices are consistent with what you know about Pearl and the events at the end of the novel. (One student chose to do this, creatively working in facts from the original story to present a fascinating and detailed summary of Pearl’s future.)

4. Draw a picture or create a collage that shows the relationships among the characters in the story and explain your thinking to the class verbally the week they are turned in and/or on paper. (Most chose this, and the results were outstanding; I couldn’t believe the quality of artwork and fascinating symbolism.)

Read the Book!

You should be able to pick up a copy of The Scarlet Letter at Goodwill and used bookstores, as it is so often assigned in both high school and college—and the students get rid of it when their course is completed. Multiple copies would also be available at the library, along with an abundance of study guides.But you can also read The Scarlet Letter online at many websites. Click around and pick your favorite background, font or navigation from the following sites:

• Page by Page Books
• The Literature Network (posts flashing, annoying ads at the top)
• The Literature Page
• Bartleby (searchable text)
• Project Gutenberg

Enjoy!

If you can use any of these ideas for personal study or with your own family to enrich your reading of this classic of American literature, let me know what you found useful.

Share!

If you find additional resources, I’d love to update and expand this post to include more ideas that deepened a reader’s comprehension and appreciation of The Scarlet Letter.

Stack of books photo by Ann Kroeker. Page from The Scarlet Letter by Ted Cabanes accessed from stock.xchng.

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I don’t want to lose that skill, that gift.Or if I have temporarily lost it because I have instead trained my eye on the time or the speedometer or the packed pages of my daily planner, I want to regain it.In spite of having physical eyes that function quite well, I am sometimes guilty of missing a lot—so much that I might as well be blind. I want to see both physical beauty and that which is beyond it; I want a glimpse of deeper realities. Though I’m blessed to have my physical eyesight, I long for more.Wouldn’t it be something to have the privilege given to Elisha’s servant, when Elisha prayed “O LORD, open his eyes so he may see” the reality of hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around to fight on their side? (2 Kings)But even if I never see chariots of fire, I don’t want to squander my everyday sight. I don’t want to blunder through my days like a blind woman.On busy, blurry days, I can feel like the blind man whose story is told in Luke 18. He called out to Jesus, “have mercy on me!”Jesus came near and asked, “What do you want me to do for you?””Lord,” he answered, “I want to see.” Lord, have mercy on me … I want to see. Yes. I, too, want to see! I don’t want to miss the good stuff, the real stuff, the hard stuff, the beauty, the life, the needs, the truth. I want to see all that I need to see.Jesus granted the blind man his sight.I pray He’ll grant sight to these eyes, as well; I turn to Him that I might have eyes that see.And as I start to look around, I’ll start small.Pausing, I’ll give something my full attention.A butterfly.A seed pod.A metaphor.A turn of phrase in the last line of a poem.A friend on the phone.A sculpture.A blob of oil paint on canvas.A daughter walking hand-in-hand with me to the park.A sunflower bobbing over the fence.I don’t mean to simplify something subtle and spiritual by being overly practical, but when I launched a series at NotSoFastBook.com about how to practice “seeing,” I offered art as an entree.It’s a little lesson in seeing.Seeing is much more than learning to appreciate shadow, shape, and color on canvas.But it can slow us down and remind us that there is much more than meets the eye.

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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome. Recipes are enjoyed, but you can write about Applebee’s appetizers or explain how to get ketchup stains out of clothes. Ketchup is food, see, so it relates.In other words, the Food on Fridays parameters are not at all narrow. I think of it as a virtual pitch-in where everyone brings something to share; even if the content of one item is unrelated to the rest, we sample it all anyway and have a great time.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or the new smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post and join us through Mr. Linky.Here’s a Mr. Linky tutorial:

Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.

Food on Fridays Participants

1. Cooking during Stolen Moments (Spinach Artichoke Dip Casserole)
2. Frugal Antics of a Harried Homemaker (Homemade Noodles & Brats)
3. Hoosier Homemade (Zucchini Bread)
4. I Blame My Mother (Monterey Jack Salsa)
5. Newlyweds! (Easy Zucchini or Eggplant Bake)
6. Feels Like Home (French Toast Sticks with Raspberry Dipping Sauce)
7. Cook with Sara (Kitchen Sink Muffins)
8. Glimpse of Sonshine (Golden Graham Smores Bars)
9. Kitchen Stewardship (Upgrade to Healthier Condiments)
10. Hopeannfaith (Food Pantries)
11. The Finer Things in Life (After School Snacks)
12. Stretch Mark Mama (Chocolate Zucchini Bread)
13. Simply Sugar & Gluten-Free (Fig, Walnut, and Cacao Nib Biscotti)
14. Passionate Homemaking … Becoming P31 (Spicy Asian Inspired BBQ Pork Burgers)
15. Trish Southard (Brian’s Chopped Salad)
16. Prudent & Practical (Homemade dog food)
17. Coping with Frugality (Carne Asada Salad)
18. Momtrends (Poached Salmon)

Food on Fridays with Ann

I was at a birthday party Thursday evening, so I didn’t have time to make chocolate-chip cookies before Food on Fridays had to go live.

But I’ll make them in the morning when I wake up, so come back to see the post updated with a photo.

Because ideally you should see for yourself if this trick will work for your family.

It’s a chocolate-chip cookie trick.

A family member explained it.

It revolutionized our cookies.

Ready?

This is how you can enjoy rich butter flavor and avoid having the cookies flatten out.

Instead of the two sticks of butter that the Nestle recipe calls for, use 1 1/2 (one and one-half) sticks.

For the last 1/4 cup (represented by the missing half stick), substitute vegetable oil.

The cookies taste and look great. They rise just enough (and settle just right) without flattening out like a pancake.

Try it.

Report back.

And now, a series of photos chronicling this morning’s batch.

Instead of two full sticks…

One and one-half sticks. The other half can be saved for the next batch of chocolate-chip cookies, or use it to butter corn on the cob.

I use a small Pampered Chef ice cream scoop to form the balls. The lighting was weird for that photo.

Here they are on the stone, freshly baked. I may have left them in a minute too long, but they’ll be good. By the way, I substitute some whole wheat flour for some of the white flour.

Here’s an angle that shows the degree of puffiness the cookies maintain. They spread a little, but not too much.

Here’s a single cookie. I got a little carried away with the photos this morning. I suppose you’ve seen more than enough by now, but since I don’t seem to know when to call it quits, here’s one more…

As you can see, they handle well. I can easily slide them off the stone and onto the cooling rack without the cookies bending, breaking in half, falling to pieces or leaving a trail of crumbs. Once cool, these stack well on a plate or in a storage tin/tub to share with others.

Thus ends the slide show.

Now I shall try to eat something breakfast-y while the smell of chocolate-chip cookies wafts throughout the kitchen.

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(Photo Credit: stock.xchange.com)

This week, I’m told, is “Simplify Your Life Week.”We could talk about how to declutter, how to eliminate two or three things from our schedules, or how to streamline the laundry room.But I think simplifying my life in a way that profoundly impacts my daily experience must begin at a deeper level….Read the entire post over at NotSoFastBook.com.

Don’t miss a word:Subscribe to annkroeker.com updates via email or RSS feed.Learn about Not So Fast: Slow-Down Solutions for Frenzied Families

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People frequently ask me if that boy is “The Boy”; that is, my son.I’d like to clear things up here and now:Nope. He’s not my son. He’s not “The Boy.”The Not So Fast boy is, however, going to be a big part of my life. He’ll travel with me to various speaking events. He’ll grace the blog and might be projected onto screens during PowerPoint presentations. His face will be associated with my name for some time.I feel that I should get to know the little guy. We need to bond.So I decided to name him.Here’s where you come in!Enter the “Name That Boy!” contest: Win a copy of Not So Fast!UPDATED: Time’s up for entering the contest. The winner of the random drawing will be announced soon!Yes, that’s right … Help name the Not So Fast boy and win a book (maybe two!).Two ways to win:

1. Suggest a name in the comments to be entered in a drawing—you can suggest more than one name in your comment, but one person is one entry whether you suggest one name for the boy or five (multiple comments by the same person will be considered one). Submit your suggested name until 9:00 Monday morning, August 3.Winner #1 will be selected randomly from those who submitted names.
2. Another way to win a copy of Not So Fast:  I’ll narrow down name suggestions and set up a vote. Vote for the name you think best fits the Not So Fast boy. The person who contributed the winning name will also receive a book!

That’s it.Now, take a long look at the boy.What do you think? What should we name him?

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July 2009 MMM is almost over:Watch for Final Mega Memory Month Projects on July 31.

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July 2009 Mega Memory Month has only barely begun. In fact, it’s been less than a week since the kick-off.

So I assume that today’s progress reports will be modest.

Also, feel free to invite others to jump in, because there’s still plenty of time to accomplish our goals.

Here’s the Mr. Linky to connect your progress report to this master list. If I have time, I’ll swing back by and edit the post to make them more prominent. Non-bloggers and those who don’t want to dedicate an entire post to memory work, feel free to offer your progress report in the comments.

Progress Reports

1. Denise at Butter and Honey
2. Amy at Lavender *Sparkles*
3. Jen at Scraps and Snippets

Ann’s Progress Report #1Did I bite off more than I can chew?My mega selection is:

• “The Road Not Taken,” by Robert Frost
• Philippians 2:1-11
• Psalm 121
• Psalm 145

I fear I may have taken on too much.On the other hand, I was somewhat familiar with the Frost poem, “The Road Not Taken,” so piecing together all those familiar fragments wasn’t too bad. In fact, it came together so quickly, I might be able to type it out right now. I think I’ll try (corrections crossed off or added in red):”The Road Not Taken”by Robert FrostTwo roads diverged in a yellow wood;,And sorry I could not travel bothAnd be one traveler, long I stoodAnd looked down one as far as I couldTo where it bent in the undergrowth.;Then took the other, as just as fair,And having perhaps the better claim,Because it was grassy and wanted wear;Though as for that, the passing thereHad worn them really about the same.,And bBoth that morning equally layIn leaves no step had trodden black.Oh!, I saved kept the first for another day;!Though ,Yet knowing how way leads on to way,I doubted I should ever get come back.I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverged in a wood, and I;—I took the one less traveled byAnd that has made all the difference.Okay. Not so bad.Philippians 1:1-11 is also a familiar passage. I wanted to truly memorize it, because I can only pull up snippets from my mental files. So I tore off the first few verses from the paper I’d printed off and took that scrap with me this morning on my jog. It got pretty wrinkled and a little smeary from sweat, but I think I’m close to having the first section down. I’ll try typing out Philippians 2:1-4:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you must should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Hey, I did better than this afternoon, when I recited it to my daughter and flubbed a section.Here are some random thoughts on memory work:

• It’s great to have family support. My ideal would be for us to work on a passage together, but the next best thing has been to have them patiently and happily check my progress, encouraging me along the way.
• It has been an advantage to select a poem and some passages that are somewhat familiar already.
• I’m not generally effective at multi-tasking, but I have to say that memorizing while jogging worked well. It was a little bit awkward to unroll the paper and read it while in motion, but the repetition helped a lot. In fact, having a little project to work on may have helped pass the time.
• Memorization Tips and Techniques. Check out this collection of helpful methods for memory work. Actually, let me paste them in here for easy access. See below.

Online Articles & Resources:

• At a site called Productivity 501, I found an article called How to Memorize Verbatim Text. It has a simple online tool you can use to help reinforce what you’re working on. The author uses the Gettysburg Address to illustrate his technique.
• Memorizing Techniques that cleverly uses a mneumonic device to present its suggestions: CAMP!
• A tip from a website called Remember Anything: Read out loud and write it out (see the site for more details).
• An eHow 8 step article about how to memorize Scripture.
• A long list of Scripture memory tips and suggestions.
• Ann V. described and photographed some of her memorization methods here.
• Stretch Mark Mama wrote about her basic index-card-propped-on-the-kitchen-table method.

Kroeker-Generated Suggestions:Here are a few memorization techniques that have worked for our family (a repeat from an earlier post included for consolidation purposes):

1. Record someone reading your selection (then listen to it…lots). I once wrote about using my MP3 microphone for verbal note taking. Record someone else reading the passage out loud (we usually hate our own voices when played back, don’t we? So have someone else do it), and then put it on your play list to listen to over and over.
2. Song. Set it to song or at least a rhythm, and it sticks pretty well. We have to get creative with Scripture, because some translations don’t have all that much rhythm to them. We’ve also applied this to skip counting for math. And can’t most of us remember our conjunctions thanks to Schoolhouse Rock (”Conjunction junction, what’s your function…”)? Anyway, I try to find some beat to the verse and say it that way. It helps.
3. Hand motions. Get all the senses involved and take in those words every way possible. We come up with hand symbols for God, Jesus, salvation, and other basic words like “all” and “world.” If you actually know American Sign Language, all the better. We don’t, so we just invent motions. They can recall the signs and bam! The words follow.
4. Pictures. For complicated verses, I’ve drawn little pictures to accompany the phrases. This helped the daughter who scoffed at my overblown hand motions and dance steps. She preferred the more civilized method of memorizing pictures to remember the flow of words.
5. Key words. If they remember the first word of a phrase that represents a shift in the verse, then often the rest of the words will tumble out automatically. So as we repeat it out loud, we emphasize the key words with exaggerated volume. I probably raise my eyebrows and open my mouth like a clown when I say them, too. I can’t help it. I’ve got Elasti-Face. Might as well use it for good.
6. Write it out. Okay, now these are the simple, low-tech, basic ideas coming out. Write it out lots of times, and it’ll enter the brain through another avenue.
7. Repeat, repeat, repeat. This is such an obvious one, but it bears repeating (sorry). But, well, that’s what we do. We go over and over the verse (out loud) until it’s drummed in there. Write it on a piece of paper and stick it in your pocket, or tape it to your cell phone and make yourself say it as you reach in your pocket for something or before making a call.
8. (NEW!) Practice while exercising. This works for most repetitive exercise except, if you’re holding a note card or paper, swimming. If it’s already in your head, however, reviewing the words as you move can work even while in the water. I find that the repetitive nature of the activity actually marries well with the memory process. Plus, it helps pass the time.

Ideas Submitted by Readers:

• Denise said that she sings along with Scripture memory CDs (I also thought of those “Hide ‘Em in Your Heart” Steve Green videos for kids). And she has her children write memory verses as part of their handwriting.
• Recommended by Joni: His Word in My Heart by Janet Pope “offers one of the best techniques and explanations for the benefits to memorizing.” Pope’s method helped her memorize longer texts such as the Sermon on the Mount by just doing a verse a day and then reviewing them, using index cards.
• Katrina described what worked for her kids–recording and reading it.
• Helen’s final celebration post details her step-by-step method and displays a colorful, creative, poster-sized final product. I was inspired.
• Ruth provided this helpful link to a website dedicated to helping people memorize Scripture.
• Amy explains how she tackles memorization (with long-term retention success) and links to a pdf article with helpful Scripture memory motivation and tips.

Let us know how it’s going. It helps to know that we’re not alone in this undertaking.And remember:Our minds can hold more than we think they can.

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Join Mega Memory Month for the month of July!

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Would James recommend we be slow to tweet (or Facebook, or blog)?

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Join Mega Memory Month for the month of July!

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• Shopping. I rarely shop (except for Goodwill). One time I had to buy a specific piece of clothing for an event and couldn’t believe how much time it took to go from store to store in search of what I needed.
• Hobbies. Writing is my main hobby as well as my ministry. Many activities interest me, like scrapbooking and handwork, but I’ve decided to zero in on just a few things, with writing as my main focus.
• TV. We watch very little television, which frees up a lot of time.
• Exercise. I keep exercise as simple as possible and jog. I like jogging for lots of reasons, one of which is that I can just head out the door and do it. This wouldn’t work for a very social friend of mine who needs people and a class to motivate her, but it works for me. I’m out and back for the duration of the workout without transit time or chit-chat. After a few crunches on an exercise ball and some stretches, I shower and move on.

That list reflects some intentional choices. There is another category of not doing things; it’s called neglect.Yes, I also neglect things; in particular, the house.Now you know.Fortunately, the Belgian Wonder has a pretty high tolerance for clutter and mess. Six of us live under one roof. When I’m not paying attention because I’m editing up a storm, rooms can get out of control faster than you can say “comma splice.”When my deadline passes and I’m back to reclaiming our space, I find myself making resolutions.Scrubbing away at grimy, neglected areas of the bathroom, I resolve to declutter and simplify. It’s almost always top of the list of things that bug me about my life.Clear out the clutter!Toss the junk!Send off stuff!I crave organization and order, but neither of those traits comes naturally.I’ve read almost every book on organization and decluttering out there. You’d think the principles would sink in so deeply that I’d automatically practice them, but I don’t. The house is still cluttered. And I’m still longing for a simpler space to complement my slower pace.A couple of years ago, when I was starting to work on Not So Fast, my editor wrote me a note that she was decluttering all weekend. She said, “I think slowing down and living simply go together. Don’t you?”I do.I do think that living more slowly and living simply are very complementary. When we simplify, I think it’s easier to slow down our pace. And when we slow down our pace, I think we start to see the beauty of simplicity in our schedule, relationships, activities, and space.The most pressing area I need to work on is simplicity of space.So when school is out, my summer goal is to achieve some of my decluttering and organizational goals.Will you hold me to it?Remind me?Hold my hand?Set up and manage an eBay account for me?Pay shipping for boxes of books that I pluck from the shelves to release to the world?Actually, my life is slow enough at the moment, I think I’ll grab a few books right now. Does anyone want:

• Scarlet Feather
• The Mind of Christ
• Chosen by a Horse
• The Book of Guys (hardcover, and a different cover than the Amazon link)
• A Painted House (hardcover)?

If you cover shipping, they’re yours.First come (let me know in comments with an e-mail to contact for arrangements), first served.

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Never run to answer the phone. If it’s that important, they will call you back. We also don’t own a cell phone, so I’m often unavailable, and I LOVE that.

Look over her list. I challenge you to pick one thing from that or from my list of Speed Bumps to incorporate into your week just once … that is, if you have time.

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 I’ve been working on my forthcoming book, Not So Fast: Slow-Down Solutions for Frenzied Families, for years. Much of that time, I wasn’t sure what I could say about it here on the blog.In fact, for quite some time, I was evasive. I didn’t know how long it would be before the book’s release, so I didn’t want to post searchable text that described what it was about.As we drew nearer to the release date, I thought I could tell you all about it. Just when I was about to make an announcement, I got the impression from the marketing folks that I should hold off even longer. So I kept quiet. Finally, though, after all those false alarms, I can speak freely.If you’ve been frustrated with me, I want to apologize. I’m very sorry. The problem is due to my uncertainty about the process.However, now that everything’s out in the open, I’m preparing for the August 1st release of Not So Fast: Slow-Down Solutions for Frenzied Families (available for pre-order! Click on the book cover at the left for the Amazon.com link).You can visit the simple WordPress blog I’ve created to serve as a companion site.There, you’ll find Speed Bumps.These are pages with lists of basic ways you can start slowing down in real-life, everyday ways. I grouped them into Mini, Medium, and Mega categories. Some speed bumps are simple as eating with a smaller fork to slow down meals; others are as demanding as planning and planting a garden.You’ll also find links to all kinds of slow-down resources I’ve found online.It’s a place where I’m putting all kinds of links and information about slowing down, simplifying, the “Slow Movement,” downsizing, “Slow Food,” and related topics. If you know of an article, blog, or website that fits in some way, be sure to let me know.There’s also a section called “Supplemental,” where I’m including material and ideas that might have been nice to include in the book, but didn’t fit. Another fun feature is that you can get a sneak peek, a preview of the book, by reading an excerpt that my publisher uploaded to a website called “Scribd.” There, you can read a draft of the Table of Contents, Introduction, and Chapter One (the Foreword wasn’t finished at the time it was loaded).If you’re interested, you can visit NotSoFastBook.com and click on “Sample,” which provides you with the Scribd link. Eagle-eye editors may spot some errors (they’re being fixed before it goes to press), but it’s a way to get a little taste.(If you don’t want to poke around the website, you can save a step and go straight to the sample by clicking here.)Every chapter closes with a story from someone I’ve interviewed or a post from a blogger who composed something that I thought fit well with the subject matter. I call these sections “Live from the Slow Zone.” The story uploaded in the sample is from Ann Voskamp’s Holy Experience. It’s an honor to have her words grace the pages of my book; and pretty humbling, too, as hers flow like poetry, making mine seem clunky and awkward.Some of the other “Live from the Slow Zone” contributors are bloggers like Sara at Walk Slowly, Live Wildly, Rachel Anne at Home Sanctuary, Andrea at Flourishing Mother, and Aimee at Living, Learning and Loving Simply.In addition to the “Live from the Slow Zone” stories and interviews, I’ve also included some practical ideas geared toward families that are in a state of frenzy, rushing around, wondering if the high-speed lifestyle is wise, or worried that it’s impossible to sustain. That section is called “Slow Notes.”If your family is already living more slowly than the rest of the world around you, some of the Slow Notes suggestions may be old news. But for those just starting to experiment with some changes, the ideas are meant to be encouraging and do-able, hopefully with immediate slow-down results.So that’s an overview and sneak peek of Not So Fast!It’s fun to finally be able to share this leg of the journey with you.I’d like to savor it . . . and share it with friends.

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Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.

Food on Fridays Participants

• Stretch Mark Mama (roasted asparagus)
• Ship Full O’ Pirates (bread in my machines)
• Homemade and Wholesome (lentil stew)
• mominapocket (Caesar Salad and homemade croutons)
• Newlyweds! (mushroom and egg casserole)
• It’s All About Love (homemade chicken noodle soup)
• Beauty in the Mundane (diabetic recipes: chicken tortilla soup & cooking with clara video)
• hopeannfaith (cheesecake)
• Shalee’s Diner (fried cabbage)

Food on Fridays with AnnWhen the Belgian Wonder asked for my hand in marriage, my cooking abilities were limited to broiling hot dogs in a toaster oven and baking an occasional batch of chocolate-chip cookies.He, on the other hand, knew how to make a meal! He would brown ground beef and add it to a batch of Kraft macaroni-and-cheese. I mean, compared to me and my toaster-oven hot dogs, he was a regular Wolfgang Puck.So I’ve come a long way.Now that I’ve revealed to you my sordid culinary past, I feel like I ought to redeem myself with some fancy European dish.So I’ll give you Ann-adapted instructions for Chicon au Gratin (Belgian endives with cheese…and ham)This blogger will make you rush to the grocery in search of endives to try every way she suggests. And here’s another recipe for Chicon au Gratin where the instructions are a little different and their photo looks far more delicious than mine. But I never claimed to be a professional. Remember the hot dogs? Anyway, here’s my simple version of:Chicon au GratinBuy as many endives as you think your family will eat. Endives are a little bitter to a sensitive palate, and if you’ve never tasted one, prepare yourself. I could barely choke this down the first time someone served it to me. But it’s grown on me so much that I now get a hankering for it at least once in the winter.Wash the endives, pull off any icky looking leaves, cut off any dirty bottoms, and place in a pot of boiling water (this step is different from the recipe link above–they braised the endives and cooked them differently).Cook them until they are very tender, maybe 15 or 20 minutes, depending on the thickness of the endive. Meanwhile, prepare a roux (oil or butter and flour) to make a white sauce (or some recipes skip the white sauce and just pour on some cream).My mother-in-law has a trick to make the white sauce slightly more healthy—she ladles some of the cooking water into the roux. That way she doesn’t need to use so much milk and adds a few nutrients from the vegetable.When the endives are soft, you have to drain them.I poke them with a fork and transfer them tip-down to a drainer.When the water has dripped out, line up the endives in a baking dish and wrap a slice of ham around each one. You could use about half the ham I did. I got a little carried away. And I just realized I should apologize for such a Lenten-unfriendly post. You could leave out the ham for a vegetarian version.Time for the white sauce. Drizzle over the ham-wrapped chicon.I’m pretty pleased with myself for taking the photo and drizzling at the same time. I’m doing each of those tasks one-handed.More sauce.Don’t hold back. Douse those endives!Next you’ll need some swiss cheese. Hey, look what I found in my freezer:I still have a lot of cheese from that manager’s special. I froze it for occasions like these.Shred it and spread on top. Sprinkle lightly with nutmeg.Then stick it in the oven to broil for a few minutes.I didn’t get a good shot of them dished up on a plate for the Belgian Wonder, but I think you can get a pretty good idea of the final results from this broiling scene.So I’ve gone from broiling hot dogs to broiling Belgian endives in béchamel sauce with imported Swiss cheese.I’ve come a long way, baby.

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To participate in Make-Do Mondays, simply explain some way that you’re making do. Join in the discussion via the comments or Mr. Linky.

The Mr. Linky for WordPress.com isn’t as slick as what Typepad and Blogger can use, but I figure I should make-do with that, as well.

Here’s how Mr. Linky works:Click on the Mr. Linky icon, and a separate page will pop up where you type in your name and paste in the url of your new Make-Do Mondays post. Click enter and it should be live. If it doesn’t work, just include the link in the comments.To visit people’s posts, click on Mr. Linky and when the page comes up, click on a name. You should be taken right to the page that they provided.

Make-Do Mondays Participants

1. Like Mother, Like Daughter (hiding ugly tile)
2. Leslie at Rag-Rugging Reverie (how rag rugs satisfy her frugal nature)

Make-Do Mondays with AnnThe Belgian Wonder and I both come from a long line of make-doers.  The Belgian Wonder grew up as a missionary kid. He and his siblings learned to make-do in creative ways. For example, the Belgian Wonder wanted a radio in his bedroom, but had no money to buy one from the store. Instead of moping around and feeling sorry for himself, he asked for permission to salvage the radio, speakers, and battery from a junked car that the family kept for spare parts. He rigged it all up in a hand-me-down desk in his bedroom–voila!  Make-do music!I, too, grew up in a family that practiced frugality and thrift. Both of my parents grew up in lean times–my dad was a Depression-era baby, and my mom was a young girl during WWII. They remember simplicity modeled by their parents and passed along that value to me. We shopped at auctions and garage sales for clothes, furniture, antiques and miscellaneous stuff.So I guess you could say its our heritage. We’re comfortable washing out plastic storage bags to reuse in our sack lunches and shopping at used book sales while wearing socks with holes in the toes.But for one day, we’re breaking out of our make-do mindset.Today is our anniversary, and we are pulling out the good socks to wear when we eat out. At a restaurant.It’s a rare exception to our make-do mentality.What about you?

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The most important rule for us is to concentrate on keeping our lives open to God. Let everything else including work, clothes, and food be set aside. The busyness of things obscures our concentration on God.

Chambers advises that we let work, clothes and food be set aside if it threatens our focus on God. The list could go on to include writing, TV, Twitter, shopping, reading, clubs, blogging, kids’ activities…it’s so easy to let busyness of all kinds obscure my concentration on God. If some activity threatens my focus on the Lord, I need to seriously evaluate its place in my life. I need to keep myself open to Him. If something disrupts that, I need to examine the trouble-spot.

Never let a hurried lifestyle disturb the relationship of abiding in Him. This is an easy thing to allow, but we must guard against it. The most difficult lesson of the Christian life is learning how to continue “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord . . . .”

Did you catch that warning? Never let a hurried lifestyle disturb the relationship of abiding in Him. I have seen it happen in my life–busyness distracts me from the Lord, and I must guard against it.I’m going too fast if my relationship with the Lord is off-kilter and deteriorating.During Mega Memory Month, I’m trying to polish off John 14 while dipping into the first 17 verses of John 15. I don’t think I’ll make it through to verse 17 in the days that remain, but as early as the first few lines, Jesus talks about us needing to abide in Him in order to bear fruit, just as a branch remains attached to a vine to bear fruit.A hurried lifestyle can disrupt a commitment to abiding in Him.And so I have chosen a slower pace. For years, I’ve been resisting the things that speed up my days or even my mind (Twitter appears to be a recent threat). I don’t want to let the temptation of a hurried lifestyle disturb my relationship of abiding in Him. I want to keep my life open to Him and concentrate on Him, even if it means managing those good things that distract.Because I want to choose what is best.

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Kathleen Norris

Fortunately for Ms. Norris’ Web presence, I’ve seen other articles and reviews pop up, such as this one from USA Today, another from the New York Times, a brief synopsis at Oprah’s magazine, and pretty much a thumbs-down (sorry, Kathleen) at the blog of a Norris-fan who “couldn’t get into it.” I couldn’t get into it, either, but only because the library wouldn’t let me renew it. I had too many books going and couldn’t finish Acedia & me during the loan period. I tried to renew it, but someone else had it on hold. So I’d only read a few chapters when I had to hand it back to the librarian.

But I latched onto something in those few chapters–so much so that I actually typed out a section to share:

The difficult thing about days is that they must be repeated. It may be, as we read in the Second Letter to Peter, that with the Lord, one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. What we perceive as slowness is merely the Lord’s patience. But like many children of the middle class, I was schooled in a particular kind of impatience that devalues such chores as cooking, cleaning, and taking out the garbage. An unspoken premise of my education was that it would enable me to employ someone else to perform these tasks. If the heady world of ideas tempted me to despise repetition, it also taught me to value the future over the present moment…(p. 12, italics mine)

I wanted to offer you the context for what stood out to me the most–the repetitive nature of chores. I don’t know that I have ever been in the same “heady world of ideas” as Norris, but I think I did develop a kind of “impatience that devalues such chores as cooking, cleaning, and taking out the garbage.”

For many years, I really hated the unending nature of everyday chores–things that must be repeated day after day. I would think, Why bother to make one’s bed if it simply must be made again the next morning?

Back in the early 1990s, I was in a women’s discipleship group. For a discussion-starter, the leader asked, “What is one chore you don’t mind doing?”

I couldn’t think of one single chore I didn’t despise.

We went around the room, and I must have made a joke about that. I can’t remember.

I did remember the leader’s answer, however. She said, “I like making the bed. It’s not because I like making beds. It’s because it doesn’t take too long and isn’t tiring, yet makes such a huge difference in how the room looks. If you have a few things lying around, but your bed is made, the room still looks pretty good. But if you have the room picked up and fairly clean, but the bed is unmade, it still looks like a huge mess.”

That was the first time a chore kind of made sense to me. After that interaction, quite possibly for the first time in my life, I started making my bed (thank you, Kim; sorry, Mom…and Tonya and Susan and all my college roommates).

She was right. I liked how the room looked when I would come back and see the bed made. When the covers were smoothed out and pillows fluffed, the mess around it was downplayed–a worthwhile return on investment, I’d say.

But there was something else about it…there was something else satisfying about making my bed. Oh well, I couldn’t figure out what it was. I just kept making my bed so that the room looked decent and that was enough.

Then I read those pages in Acedia & me, where Kathleen Norris explained how her intellectual interests were at odds with domesticity. She actually wrote:

I was a bratty kid who didn’t want to make her bed.“Why bother?” I would ask my mother in a witheringly superior tone. “I”ll just have to unmake it again at night.” To me, the act was stupid repetition; to my mother, it was a meaningful expression of hospitality to oneself, and a humble acknowledgment of our creaturely need to make and remake our daily environments. “You will feel better,” she said, “if you come home to an orderly room.” She was far wiser than I, but I didn’t comprehend that for many years. Neither of us could see that I was on my way to becoming a cerebral disaster zone. (p. 13)

Bingo! That was it! I’d already gotten past the idea that making my bed was “stupid repetition.” But this was that “something else” I couldn’t put my finger on:  Making my bed was a “meaningful expression of hospitality to oneself.”

That’s what I felt when I walked into my bedroom and the bed was made. It was as if I were saying to myself, “You’re worth it, Ann. It’s my pleasure to give you a nice environment and a lovely setting for a peaceful rest. Be my guest.”

So much of housework is a need to make and remake our daily environments. I discovered that I do feel better if I come home to an orderly room. Now that I’m married, of course, I’m also serving my spouse. All the same, I never had anyone put into words a reason for housework that was so personal, gratifying, and humbling.

Perhaps it’s that word “hospitality” that sounds so warm and welcoming, like a Bed & Breakfast hostess bustling about to make everyone comfortable. As a wife and mother, I can see how small acts of service communicate love and warmth and comfort to my family. I guess I never really included myself in that.

I don’t want to be self-centered–I want to look out for the interests of others–not just my own. But that doesn’t mean to the exclusion of my own interests.

Thank you, Kathleen Norris, for this slight shift of perspective on chores–not just making the bed, but also emptying the trash, washing dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, wiping the table, and folding laundry.

Far from meaningless repetition…it’s a gracious, loving act of hospitality to oneself (and others).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I think I left a load of laundry in the dryer…

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Last week, I launched Make-Do Mondays, a carnival dedicated to sharing ways we’re making-do.Right away, Jenni pointed out that this carnival can do more than entertain or inform–learning to make-do can also empower:

I love this idea! I don’t think that people realize how empowering it is to come up with creative ways to use things lying around, or just to summon up the willpower to use it. In effect, they’re throwing away a bit of self-confidence/reliance when they toss out something that doesn’t work perfectly.

Join the Make-Do Mondays carnival and build up your self-confidence! Learn new ways of self-reliance!Here’s this week’s Make-Do Mondays contribution from the Kroeker house:When The Belgian Wonder and I first married, we bought a used wooden dining room table from a friend. The clever engineering of this Scandinavian-style teak table allows two extensions to slide underneath for storage, but they can be pulled out quickly and easily, doubling the table surface area in seconds.Here’s a quick snapshot of the table fully extended:We use a tablecloth most of the time, because the table doesn’t really fit, style wise. But we make-do a lot when it comes to “style.” But that isn’t even the main make-do thing I was planning to show you. Here it is:One day, the wood split along the edge. I thought we’d have to throw it away, because the legs were very wobbly, and that leaf-extension engineering was compromised.Then, as you can see, we duct-taped it tightly together, and it held. We could still use it, so we positioned the table so that the duct-taped side wouldn’t be immediately noticed if the table were without a cloth. We talked about getting a new table from time to time. Sometimes I’d flip through a Sunday insert or catalog. I might slip into an antique mall and look around. But we never did buy a new table. Five years after the fix and nineteen years after we bought it used, we’re still eating at the duct-taped teak table. Making-do.How about you?Share how you’re resisting the disposable, quick-fix, easy-solution, just-go-buy-a-replacement mindset.Document in some way how you’re making-do: write, photograph, or make and upload a YouTube video, and then link to your post via Mr. Linky (below). If you don’t have a blog, tell us about it in the comments!

 Be sure to check out Mega Memory Month in January–the first Monday Progress report is also posted today at this link.

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 If you’re still looking for ideas on how to plug those words into your head, here’s a collection of memorization tips and techniques that I’ve updated from an earlier post:Online Articles & Resources:

• At a site called Productivity 501, I found an article called How to Memorize Verbatim Text. It has a simple online tool you can use to help reinforce what you’re working on. The author uses the Gettysburg Address to illustrate his technique.
• Memorizing Techniques that cleverly uses a mneumonic device to present its suggestions: CAMP!
• A tip from a website called Remember Anything: Read out loud and write it out (see the site for more details).
• An eHow 8 step article about how to memorize Scripture.
• A long list of Scripture memory tips and suggestions.
• Ann V. described and photographed some of her memorization methods here.
• Stretch Mark Mama wrote about her basic index-card-propped-on-the-kitchen-table method.

Kroeker-Generated Suggestions:Here are a few memorization techniques that have worked for our family (a repeat from an earlier post included for consolidation purposes):

1. Record someone reading your selection (then listen to it…lots). I once wrote about using my MP3 microphone for verbal note taking. Record someone else reading the passage out loud (we usually hate our own voices when played back, don’t we? So have someone else do it), and then put it on your play list to listen to over and over.
2. Song. Set it to song or at least a rhythm, and it sticks pretty well. We have to get creative with Scripture, because some translations don’t have all that much rhythm to them. We’ve also applied this to skip counting for math. And can’t most of us remember our conjunctions thanks to Schoolhouse Rock (”Conjunction junction, what’s your function…”)? Anyway, I try to find some beat to the verse and say it that way. It helps.
3. Hand motions. Get all the senses involved and take in those words every way possible. We come up with hand symbols for God, Jesus, salvation, and other basic words like “all” and “world.” If you actually know American Sign Language, all the better. We don’t, so we just invent motions. They can recall the signs and bam! The words follow.
4. Pictures. For complicated verses, I’ve drawn little pictures to accompany the phrases. This helped the daughter who scoffed at my overblown hand motions and dance steps. She preferred the more civilized method of memorizing pictures to remember the flow of words.
5. Key words. If they remember the first word of a phrase that represents a shift in the verse, then often the rest of the words will tumble out automatically. So as we repeat it out loud, we emphasize the key words with exaggerated volume. I probably raise my eyebrows and open my mouth like a clown when I say them, too. I can’t help it. I’ve got Elasti-Face. Might as well use it for good.
6. Write it out. Okay, now these are the simple, low-tech, basic ideas coming out. Write it out lots of times, and it’ll enter the brain through another avenue.
7. Repeat, repeat, repeat. This is such an obvious one, but it bears repeating (sorry). But, well, that’s what we do. We go over and over the verse (out loud) until it’s drummed in there. Write it on a piece of paper and stick it in your pocket, or tape it to your cell phone and make yourself say it as you reach in your pocket for something or before making a call.

Ideas Submitted by Readers:

• Denise said that she sings along with Scripture memory CDs (I also thought of those “Hide ‘Em in Your Heart” Steve Green videos for kids). And she has her children write memory verses as part of their handwriting.
• Recommended by Joni: His Word in My Heart by Janet Pope “offers one of the best techniques and explanations for the benefits to memorizing.” Pope’s method helped her memorize longer texts such as the Sermon on the Mount by just doing a verse a day and then reviewing them, using index cards.
• Katrina described what worked for her kids–recording and reading it.
• Helen’s final celebration post details her step-by-step method and displays a colorful, creative, poster-sized final product. I was inspired.
• Ruth provided this helpful link to a website dedicated to helping people memorize Scripture.
• Amy explains how she tackles memorization (with long-term retention success) and links to a pdf article with helpful Scripture memory motivation and tips.

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In today’s devotional from My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers excerpted from Isaiah 52:12, which reads:

But you will not leave in haste or go in flight;for the LORD will go before you,the God of Israel will be your rear guard.Chambers assures us that as we go forth into the coming year, “let it not be in the haste of impetuous, unremembering delight, nor with the flight of impulsive thoughtlessness, but with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us.”Our world likes to head off in haste, sometimes without remembering with humility what’s past.Or, perhaps I should be honest about myself. I often head off in haste without remembering where I’ve come from and what the Lord has done in my life. Remembering takes time. One must slow down, sit down, and dig down.Part of New Year’s Eve is best spent looking back and remembering with gratitude what the Lord has accomplished. I have cause to celebrate many moments and events as I think back on the year or years before–joys and surprises, insights and encouragement, laughter and love, disciplining and pruning, growth and change.In remembering, however, I dredge up regrets, as well…opportunities lost. Duties neglected. Love left unspoken. Failures. Harsh words slipping out. Goals unmet. Deadlines missed and late fees shelled out. Sins committed, confessed, repented of.Chambers acknowledges this, as well. “Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but…”(take note of what he says next, because it is key to looking ahead)”…God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future.”And that’s how I like to approach any kind of review and goal-setting–with constructive thoughtfulness, resting in Christ for what is past and what is yet to come.I would like to offer Chambers’ closing words as the closing words for 2008 on my blog, before the ball drops, the calendar page turns, and the permalink date on my posts pops up one number to 2009:Leave the Irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with Him.

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Share your stories—no matter how raw or difficult. Share you concerns—no matter how foolish they may seem. Share your wisdom—no matter how you came by it. Share your mother story. The only request? Start the letter “Dear Mother” and sign it. I will compile all of the letters in a Christmas book for my wife.

In response, many mothers’ hearts stream down the comments under this post at the site. You can submit your Mother Letter there, but apparently many others have been submitted to him via e-mail, as well. And some, like the one I’m offering, are also posted at the blog of the letter’s author.As his invitation has spread across the mama-blogosphere, moms are offering what bits of wisdom and insight they’ve gained thus far in their parenting adventure. And I can’t help but think of the lesson I was reminded of in my recent moment of Ann-insecurity (would that be “Annsecurity”?)–that all the different stories and bits of advice are a reminder that motherhood is a multi-faceted, personal-yet-communal experience. Many stories should be told, because the specifics of one personal revelation may be just what’s needed for another mom to be encouraged.In other words, just as both Anns (this Ann and that Ann) along with thousands of other Anns and Susans and Helens and Elizabeths have blogs reflecting their unique ways of thinking and communicating, every mom has a letter to write to this mother.If you haven’t yet composed your mother letter, please consider participating. I know I’d love to read your letter, so I’m sure this woman, the recipient-Mother of The Mother Letter Project, will be blown away. Wouldn’t you like to be part of that?Here’s the letter I composed. I wanted to share it with you, as well.

Dear Mother,*Blink*That’s how fast it happens. I’m sure you’ve noticed it. When you brought home your newborn, you probably fell into some kind of rhythm and routine. Next thing you know…*Blink*Baby starts rolling over. And crawling.*Blink*Now he’s toddling and talking.*Blink*First day of first grade: he climbs onto the school bus with a cartoon-emblazoned lunchbox in hand, turns around to wave, smiles and “catches” every kiss you blow.*Blink*Eighth grade: he shuffles onto the school bus jamming to an iPod and glances back, hoping you don’t embarrass him publicly.*Blink*“Mom, can I have the car keys?”*Blink*You’re shopping for extra-long twin sheets for dorm room beds.Okay, I’m only speculating about the car keys and sheets. I’m not quite there yet—but it’s coming. Soon.I know, because…I’ve blinked.*Blink*Other moms warned me about the mom-blink.“Enjoy them while they’re little,” they’d advise. “Savor every moment now, because you just blink, and…oh, they grow up so fast!”I appreciated the sentiment, but no one would tell me how.How was I supposed to savor changing three-ton diapers, mopping spit-up off the kitchen floor and chasing after my toddler only to find him splashing his hands in the toilet water?How was I supposed to enjoy them while facing a mountain of laundry, and I was so tired the only way I could keep my eyes open was to prop them up with toothpicks and guzzle a jug of black tea…how?I’m the mother of two teens, an 11-year-old and a seven-year-old. So I can attest to what those moms were saying: they do grow up in the blink of an eye.Now I would like to offer something no one managed to pass on to me—an idea of how to enjoy and savor the kids while they’re little.I suppose it sounds like a no-brainer, but here it is:Slow down.Does that sound obvious? Forgive me, but it took me a little while to “get it.”I had to choose to slow down enough to look each child in the eye.I had to remember to slow down enough to smile…to laugh…to relax…to breathe deeply.In the early days of parenting, I wasn’t slowing down enough to listen to what my girls were really saying. I needed to learn to ask a follow-up question and listen a little longer.I grew to love slowing down enough to read a story… slowly…more than once.To play UNO and Monopoly. That takes a while!I love living slowly enough to sit down for a meal…at the table…and give thanks.You may already slow down enough to let your kids enjoy some free time to play uninterrupted. You’ve seen them build an imaginary fortress or fairy land, and your schedule may be flexible enough to just hang out with them and watch them build. Instead of dragging them off to the umpteenth organized activity, you may be living slowly enough to take them sledding.No, wait a minute. If you’re already living that slowly, you know you can let your husband take them sledding.While you sit and sip hot tea.And while you’re sitting there sipping tea, or coffee, or chai—not because you need the caffeine, but to enjoy the flavor and the smell and the feel of the warm mug against your hands—you yourself are slowing down. You’re stopping…stopping to savor these moments of motherhood that race past in a blink.When you slow down like that, when for a few minutes you forget Mount Laundry and the blob of spit-up on the kitchen floor, life isn’t such a blur.Living a slower life, you can see things more clearly. You’ll sit in the quiet and look out the window—really look—at the snow angels and lumpy snowmen formed by mittened hands in the back yard.You can feel.You can pray for your children…for their hearts, their souls, their just-a-blink-away futures.And when you do this, when you slow down like this, it’s okay to go ahead and blink. You can even shut your eyes for a few minutes and recall a look or a lisp or a laugh. You aren’t missing anything at all.Enjoy the peace.Later, you’ll open your eyes when the kids and your husband tumble in the back door, chunks of snow dropping from their snowsuits and boots…they’ll beg you for hot chocolate and popcorn. You’ll look at their pink-cheek grins and chattering teeth and crazy hair smashed and smooshed by their knit caps, and you’ll sigh. This. This is what those moms meant. And thank the Lord your life was slow enough to see it and savor it…and so was theirs.This is how.We all know that they grow up fast.All the more reason to slow down.Merry Christmas!Ann Kroeker

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Jennifer at Scraps and Snippets posted about Lifelong Learning at her blog, citing a 2006 article by Harvey Mackay packed with statistics to make an autodidact sprint to her bookcase and grab anything within reach:

• Only 14 percent of adults with a grade-school education read literature in 2002.
• 51 percent of the American population never reads a book more than 400 pages after they complete their formal education.
• 73 percent of all books in libraries are never checked out.
• The average American watches 32 hours of TV every week.
• The average American reads only eight hours (books, newspapers, magazines, Yellow Pages, etc.) every week.
• The average American annually spends 10 times more on what he puts on his head than what he puts into his head.

Consider the following:

• If you read just one book per month for 12 straight months, you will be in the top 25 percentile of all intellectuals in the world!
• If you read five books on one subject, you are one of the world’s foremost leading authorities on that subject!
• If you read just 15 minutes a day — every day, for one year — you can complete 20 books!

The idea of becoming an expert by focusing one’s reading on a single subject reminds me of a post I wrote about lifelong learning and Five Fat Files. In it, I referenced an online article on brain research that included a statement attributed to Albert Einstein:

Einstein said that if a person studies a subject for just 15 minutes a day in a year he will be an expert, and in five years he may be a national expert.

Literary agent Terry Whalin used those same statistics from the Mackay article to encourage writers to read regularly.

With these statistics, it is little wonder that parts of the publishing business are struggling (and even predicting the struggle will continue for some.)If you want to be involved in some aspect of publishing (books or magazine writing where your work appears in print), then you need to be committed to reading on a regular basis. It’s important to take in great information through reading. The experience will fill your mind and heart with something important which will influence your writing. Create a habit of reading.

So. After pondering the statistics and recommendations, I’m feeling positively brilliant for having read a few books in the past couple of months.

Just last weekend I finished Francine Rivers’ Redeeming Love.

The kids and I are reading Swiss Family Robinson (read online for free) and listening to The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew on tape (also available online for free).

I also did a quick-read of So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids and almost finished a short book by N.T. Wright entitled Who Was Jesus?

According to Mackay, I’m on track to being “in the top 25 percentile of all intellectuals in the world!”

It’s easy if we follow Mackay’s claim that reading just 15 minutes a day—every day, for one year—we can complete 20 books.

Just fifteen minutes a day.

I’m going to grab that book by Wright and finish it up. But before I head off, I’d like to pose two simple questions and hope that our answers will demonstrate that the blogging world can throw off Mackay’s dismal statistics:

What have you read recently…and what do you plan to read?

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• DIYWe’ve reverted back to doing home improvement projects ourselves. This summer we actually hired some friends to help us get some pretty big issues resolved in our house, but now we’re back to The Belgian Wonder trying to figure out stuff by himself on evenings and weekends, checking a few things off the list at a time. It’s slow-going, that’s for sure, but it’s thrifty.
• Reduce Gas ConsumptionThe gas crisis, which preceded the financial mess, already inspired us to reduce auto-outings. To get to work, The Belgian Wonder started taking a bus from our suburban area to the city center as often as possible. The kids and I started to ride our bikes to piano lessons, weather permitting. We’re continuing to look for ideas to combine errands or pick things up by bike.
• Freeze on Discretionary SpendingI knew I should have bought those decorative, coordinating pillows for my bedroom when I first saw them a few months ago. They would have provided a nice finishing touch, but now they fall into the “totally not necessary” category of the budget. This is a technical term we toss around to sound like professional budget analysts. “Honey, do you think I could go ahead and get those pillows?” “Sorry, babe, but wouldn’t you agree that those are ‘totally not necessary’?” And it’s true. There’s so little we actually need.
• Continue Shopping SecondhandWe’re continuing to shop first at secondhand resources before heading to retail stores in search of clothes. The children seem to appreciate this decision more than ever. We never officially signed up to “compact” (buying almost nothing new), but we tend to lean that way naturally. However, even at Goodwill, we must be careful not to load up on things that are “totally not necessary.”
• Frugal Friendship-OutingsSeveral of my friends like to meet for coffee, but I proposed to one of these ladies that we go for a walk instead, both to get a little exercise and also to keep costs down. We had just as nice a conversation as we would have while drinking a $3 Starbucks latte. The only down side was that we couldn’t look each other in the eye.
• Frugal Date NightsSimilar to the creative alternatives I’m trying out with friends, The Belgian Wonder and I are trying to preserve chunks of time together on dates without spending big wads of money. In nicer weather, we, too, went for walks together by a lake. The other day we ate a meal in the dining room, enjoying an uninterrupted conversation while the kids had their meal in the kitchen with two of their friends who stayed for dinner.
• Electricity-MisersWe’re hanging our clothes to dry, washing with cold water, keeping the thermostat low (we have a heat pump), turning off lights, etc., in an effort to conserve electricity. The savings is probably negligent, but maybe this falls into the category of “every little bit helps” and “small efforts add up over time.” 

Things we want to implement:

• Dig for DealsWe’d like to do more to dig up deals. We could use coupons more effectively and pay more attention to flyers and sales for the things we’ve already decided to purchase. We’re ready to be more diligent with this.
• Food SavingsWe don’t eat out very much, so we automatically save a bundle by eating at home. But we could save more on our in-house meals by utilizing coupons, shopping at Aldi’s, stocking up on oft-used ingredients (like ground beef or macaroni) on sale, and planning out each week’s menu. I need to inventory our freezer and organize what’s there to make the most of what we’ve got. I’m not sure if we’ll save dramatically, but it’s worth a try. Thankfully, we all like simple foods.
• Scaled Back ChristmasChristmas is going to be more about experiences and togetherness than stuff. Even among extended family, there’s talk of keeping things simple. I asked the kids the other day what were some of the things they enjoyed at Christmastime, and they listed lots of things they would enjoy that had nothing to do with gifts. They listed making cookies with friends, decorating the tree, eating on Christmas plates, listening to holiday music, Advent activities, the occasional party. Sure sounds good to me.
• More VegetarianThe day after I made a pot of lentils and rice, we stopped at the grocery to pick up some ground beef to add to our spaghetti sauce for dinner. What a difference in price! I made an enormous pot of healthy and delicious brown rice and lentils seasoned with vegetable bouillon for a fraction of the cost of a small pack of ground beef. I’d like to eat more plant-based meals for health and savings. Ramona and others talked in the comments about this and other ways to save on food.
• Look for InspirationIf you’re just tuning in, click back to the comments and Mr. Linky on the previous post to see what others are doing to adapt to the economic roller-coaster ride. I’m going to go back and study their suggestions for inspiration. I also intend to cruise the Internet and incorporate some of the super-frugal ideas floating around out there.

It’s nice to know we’re not alone.Regardless of our frugal choices, we’re trying to learn contentment. Whether in plenty or in want, we want to keep our focus on Christ Jesus.This gives perspective so that we don’t obsess or fret about frugality and savings, nor do we get cavalier with spending as if the money is ours to do with as we please.Because in the end, it all belongs to Him.

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