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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome—though we love to try new dishes, your post doesn’t have to be a recipe.If you want, you could simply describe Christmas leftovers and New Year’s Eve snack plans OR join the book club at TheHighCalling.org; because, you see, we’re pretty relaxed over here. Posts like that are as welcome as menus and recipes.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post. It ties us together visually.Then link your post using Linky Tools.

Food on Fridays with Ann

For the next few weeks, the Book Club at TheHighCalling.org (THC) will be dipping into The Spirit of Food: 34 Writers on Feasting and Fasting toward God, edited by Leslie Leyland Fields.

The THC Book Club operates something like a blog carnival, where we read, think, and write in response to what we’ve read, then publish our posts and link up on Mondays over at TheHighCalling.org. Join the conversation not only by visiting participants’ blog posts and publishing your own, but also by commenting at the main site.Because The Spirit of Food is all about food, I decided to publish my own book club posts on Fridays, to share with my Food on Fridays friends. If you find yourself inspired to pick up the book, feel free to jump in at any time and join the conversation.Our Book Club facilitator, Contributing Editor Laura Boggess, asked participants to read the first five essays in preparation for this Monday’s discussion (a recipe from the writer follows each essay):

1. “Wild Fruit,” by Patty Kirk (recipe: Apricot, Chokecherry, and Plum Jams)
2. “Late October Tomatoes,” by Brian Volck (recipe: Spicy Tomato Soup)
3. “The Communion of Saints,” by Jeanne Murray Walker (recipe: Scalloped Potatoes for the Church Potluck)
4. “The Land That Is Us,” by TheHighCalling.org editor Ann Voskamp (recipe: Tangy Glazed Pork Roast)
5. “For a Sweet New Year,” by Margaret Hathaway (recipe: Sweet Raisin Challah)

:::

Though I grew up on a modest farm of forty acres, my dad was not really a farmer. A full-time journalist, he leased out the tillable acres and kept a small herd of Black Angus cattle on the rest. Because Dad was not fully a farmer, I never thought of myself as a farmer’s daughter, even though Dad looked the part when he changed out of his suit and tie and donned his John Deere cap, Carhartt coat and manure-speckled boots.Because I wasn’t fully a farmer’s daughter, I got by being rather lazy when it came to chores. I enjoyed the property, though, playing around the persimmon tree in the back yard, tiptoeing around ripe fruit that thumped to the ground and burst open, oozing pulp onto the ground. We planted a garden most years, and I developed a taste for warm sliced tomatoes eaten plain alongside sweet corn-on-the-cob slathered with butter and coated with salt.I grew hungry for this and more while reading the essays in this section. I craved homemade jam after reading “Wild Fruit” and longed to slice a fresh tomato after reading “Late October Tomatoes.” Oh, how I miss fresh tomatoes this time of year. Reading this book in the dead of winter may prove to be a form of torture, awakening a craving for inaccessible food.When I read “For a Sweet New Year,” I found some relief in the thought that I can bake bread year round. In fact, I resolved to bake bread as soon as possible. I bought more wheat berries some time ago to grind into flour with the little hand grinder we borrowed from a friend. The wheat berries are sitting in a container just waiting to be transformed. I may not be able to pick blackberries in January, or make elderberry jam, but I can bake bread right here and now, even in January; even in my suburban home. Yes, tomorrow I’ll bake bread.Where I lingered longest, though, was with Ann Voskamp’s essay…and not just because she’s a friend. It’s because her prose, like poetry, whispers truth and unsettles the soul. I began to ache a little at the thought that by settling in suburbia, we may have settled for less.Though my dad sold off the cattle several years ago, he still leases the fields to a full-time farmer. Persimmons still fall from the tree in the back yard in summer. And my husband and I wonder sometimes if we should sell our suburban home and move out to the farm. The question Ann poses is one that has haunted us over the years: “How much do I love land?”I don’t know that I love that particular land; it’s just that I could probably have access to it. Dad’s not quite ready to turn the farm over to someone else; yet, if we wanted it, we could probably arrange to tend it. Should we?How much do I love land?The barn and out buildings could use some sprucing up. The fences need work. Are we up to the job?As we wonder, dragging our feet, I’ve been gardening in our back yard plot, where I grow tomatoes and peppers, cucumbers and zucchini.Is that enough?Reading the essays and revisiting the question of land inspired me to snatch up a seed catalog that arrived in the mail. Flipping through, I stopped at photos of apple trees and blackberry bushes. We don’t have the space in our back yard for an orchard. I sighed and looked out at the dormant yard. Unseasonably warm temperatures are melting away the snow to reveal leaves we’d heaped into the garden area. The leaves are contained by bent wire held by green metal fence posts leaning unsteady. I shake my head. We can’t even keep a small back yard garden trim and tidy. How could we repair and rebuild a barn and out buildings and mend fences surrounding 40 acres? How could we manage an entire farm? Perhaps this suburban back yard is all I can handle.Ann ends her piece with the question, “Who will stay and dwell in the land?”I look at the wobbly wire and slanted posts. Not everyone can handle the land.Not everyone will grow acres of grain. Some will buy just a few pounds of wheat berries at a time and bake bread. Not everyone will tend orchards. Some will pay to pick berries and freeze just enough for their families.Not all are called to stay and dwell in the land.But I marked the seed catalog and pulled out a gardening book. We will try to grow kale this year. And chard. Peas and spinach. Basil, tomatoes, peppers, squash. Tomatoes. Corn.For now, we will love this land, right here in this neighborhood cul-de-sac.Come spring, we will straighten fence posts and pull the wire taut.

Join us for Mega Memory Month!Details at MMM headquarters.

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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome—though we love to try new dishes, your post doesn’t have to be a recipe. If you want to tell us about the first person who taught you to cook, that’s great. Posts like that are as welcome as menus and recipes.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post and join us through Simply Linked (a new tool I’m trying out this week).Here’s a Mr. Linky tutorial:

Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.Please note: I’ll do my best to update this post by hand. In the meantime, please click on the Mister Linky logo to view the complete list.

Food on Fridays Participants

Food on Fridays with Charity!This week at High Calling Blogs (HCB), we launched a writing project called “You Are Real,” inviting network bloggers to write about connections they’ve made—real connections—with other bloggers. People throughout the HCB community are swapping posts. Charity Singleton of Wide Open Spaces is my guest blogger today for Food on Fridays, and I’m appearing at her place. Click HERE to read my post for today.So… may I introduce to you my new and very real friend, Charity Singleton:Long before I drove the 20 minutes to Ann Kroeker’s house, I knew we were both Hoosiers. She had told me so on Facebook.Before I ever sat with Ann on her patio and talked about organic farming, I knew she pulled her weeds by hand. She wrote about once in an email.And before I had the chance to sit at the dinner table with her and her children or drink a cup of her husband’s strong coffee, I knew Ann cared deeply about her family. I read about them in one of her posts on The High Calling Blogs.By the time I actually met Ann, we were already friends.

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Developing relationships online is relatively new for me. Until about four years ago, I thought of the internet as nothing more than a tool. I used it for researching recipes, sending emails, and occasionally buying a book or an airline ticket. But then, I started writing a blog.Blogging gave me a way to claim a little space of my own out in cyberspace. As an aspiring writer, I had hoped it would be like hanging my virtual shingle. As it turned out, it was more like creating a home where I could invite people in. And the community that eventually developed is what this “We are Real” project is all about.It was my very first contact in the blogging world that providentially made my online life “real.” Ironically, I met her first in person at a writing conference. But since we lived several states away, our friendship quickly took to the ‘net.In those early days of blogging, I wasn’t always sure what to make of it, what would become of it. Back in 2006, I posted this comment on my friend’s blog: “Blogging is just another hue on the increasingly gray-scale palette of my life. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes a waste of time. Sometimes a perfectly useful way to process. Never always one way.”Then I was diagnosed with cancer. I hadn’t been blogging much in the few months prior. I was restless and distracted. The relationships I had started to build online seemed easy to set aside in favor of the drama that was unfolding in my real life. But I knew the people I was avoiding were real, too, and were probably wondering where I was. So I told them.Two days later, I found myself in the hospital.I know it was God’s providence that I reached out to my online community like I did just days before cancer. He knew I would need their support, would need their words of encouragement. When I finally made it home after a couple of weeks in the hospital and gathered the energy to post what I had been through, the response was overwhelming. Our relationship wasn’t just bits and bytes floating through cyberspace. It was real.Through continued connections with this same community that supported me through the ups and downs of cancer treatment and recovery, my path eventually crossed with Ann. Because we already knew each other online and had many mutual friends there, it was only natural to meet in person when we discovered we lived only 20 minutes apart.

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The other thing you should know about my relationship with Ann, however, is this. Long before we ever sat at my table and enjoyed zucchini brownies, and long before we sat at her table sharing a plate of cookies, I knew Ann likes food. I read about it here, on a Friday.One of our first interactions came as a result of her now famous steel cut oatmeal recipe. And since then, every time we’ve met there’s been some type of food exchange, including the zucchini dumping (er, I mean “gifting”) that I did the morning we went running togetherThese online relationships, they’re real alright. Ann has the zucchini to prove it.

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In the tradition of Food on Fridays, here’s a great recipe for artisan bread I shared with Ann recently. It is from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery that Revolutionizes Home Baking by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoe Francois (Thomas Dunne Books, 2007).Serves 4Note: This recipe must be prepared in advance.

• 1-1/2 tablespoons granulated yeast (about 1-1/2 packets)
• 1-1/2 tablespoons kosher salt
• 6-1/2 cups unbleached flour, plus extra for dusting dough
• Cornmeal

In a large plastic resealable container, mix yeast and salt into 3 cups lukewarm (about 100 degrees) water. Using a large spoon, stir in flour, mixing until mixture is uniformly moist with no dry patches. Do not knead. Dough will be wet and loose enough to conform to shape of plastic container. Cover, but not with an airtight lid.Let dough rise at room temperature, until dough begins to flatten on top or collapse, at least 2 hours and up to 5 hours. (At this point, dough can be refrigerated up to 2 weeks; refrigerated dough is easier to work with than room-temperature dough, so the authors recommend that first-time bakers refrigerate dough overnight or at least 3 hours.)When ready to bake, sprinkle cornmeal on a pizza peel. Place a broiler pan on bottom rack of oven. Place baking stone on middle rack and preheat oven to 450 degrees, preheating baking stone for at least 20 minutes.Sprinkle a little flour on dough and on your hands. Pull dough up and, using a serrated knife, cut off a grapefruit-size piece (about 1 pound). Working for 30 to 60 seconds (and adding flour as needed to prevent dough from sticking to hands; most dusting flour will fall off, it’s not intended to be incorporated into dough), turn dough in hands, gently stretching surface of dough, rotating ball a quarter-turn as you go, creating a rounded top and a bunched bottom.Place shaped dough on prepared pizza peel and let rest, uncovered, for 40 minutes. Repeat with remaining dough or refrigerate it in lidded container. (Even one day’s storage improves flavor and texture of bread. Dough can also be frozen in 1-pound portions in airtight containers and defrosted overnight in refrigerator prior to baking day.) Dust dough with flour.Using a serrated knife, slash top of dough in three parallel, 1/4-inch deep cuts (or in a tic-tac-toe pattern). Slide dough onto preheated baking stone. Pour 1 cup hot tap water into broiler pan and quickly close oven door to trap steam. Bake until crust is well-browned and firm to the touch, about 30 minutes. Remove from oven to a wire rack and cool completely.

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Ann’s Ambitious Summer Reading List

I’ve updated the list with the strike-through feature indicating books that I’ve finished reading.

• The Help, by Kathryn Stockett.
• Death by Suburb, by David L. Goetz. Both this book and The Help were recommended to me by multiple people. I decided to pay attention and picked up both, placing them top of the list.
• The Right to Write, by Julia Cameron. This is the High Calling Blogs current book club selection, so I’m working through it, though I’ve only posted about it once.
• Saint Francis, by Nikos Kazantzakis. The only reason this is on the list is because I borrowed it from a friend and need to return it.
• Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe. I need to read this quickly to be ready for a book club discussion I was invited to join.
• Sophie’s World: A Novel About the History of Philosophy, by Jostein Gaarder. One of my sisters-in-law has her doctorate in philosophy. I asked what I might read to get an overview of philosophy, since I know so little—I needed something accessible and interesting. This was her suggestion.
• Total Truth, by Nancy Pearcey. This book comes highly recommended by a worldview instructor I admire. She said this is the one to read if I only read one book about developing a Christian world view.
• The Universe Next Door, by James W. Sire. But I decided to read more than one book on developing a Christian world view, so I’m going to attempt to read this one, too.
• Green Mama, by Tracey Bianchi. Tracey’s stopping by NotSoFastBook.com next week on her blog tour with a guest post, so stay tuned!
• Barbies at Communion, by Marcus Goodyear. My High Calling Blogs colleague (actually, he’s my boss’s boss) has come out with a book of poetry. Be sure to click on the link just to see the cover art.
• God in the Yard, by L.L. Barkat, the same High Calling Blogs colleague (actually, she’s my boss) who recommended I generate this list. God in the Yard is a twelve-week course inviting readers into the days and nights of her daily outdoor solitude.
• Let the Crow’s Feet and Laugh Lines Come, by Dena Dyer, yet another High Calling Blogs colleague with a new book release!
• Miscellaneous. I’m facilitating a writing course in the fall, so I’ll be looking through stacks of material to evaluate what might work well for the students. I’ll be skimming many writing, grammar and reference books—too many to list. Also, I’m researching some topics for possible books I might write in the future. That process has me flipping through numerous related titles, none of which I will read cover to cover. So they don’t count.

My book stack is eagerly awaiting the arrival of the last three titles on my list, but I have plenty of words to consume in the meantime.What’s on your list? (pssst…there’s no better time than the lazy days of summer to read about slowing down in our fast-paced world.)Related:Ann’s A Summer Booklist: What’s Up On the StackThe Camel’s Summer Reading List Ann’s Ambitious Summer Reading List Glynn’s What I’m Reading this Summer L.L.’s A Sort of Summer Reading List Cheryl’s My Summer Reading List is Getting Out of ControlDan’s 7 Fascinating Books (for your summer reading list)Charity’s Summer is Time for…Reading?Heather’s Summer ReadingCheck in at High Calling Blogs on Friday for a round-up of summer reading lists, including a long list that Laura Boggess plans to tackle.

It’s easy to subscribe to annkroeker.com updates via email or RSS feed.Visit NotSoFastBook.com to learn more about Ann’s book.

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Throughout spring, my kids would come to me with requests to join their friends on outings such as sleepovers, birthday parties, and a production of “The Three Musketeers,” but I had to say no to almost everything. Something was already scheduled 97 percent of the time.

With spring winding down, however, our schedule is opening up. The kids and I recently reviewed the week’s activities: soccer practice, cleaning day, and an afternoon class that three of them would attend.

My 14-year-old daughter was leaning back in a plastic chair, fiddling with a toy pirate hook as I added that we’d have to leave the house very early one morning.

“Why?” she asked.

“Well,” I began, “Mrs. Huber invited you two older girls to go with her family to King’s Island.”

My daughter leaped up, flinging the plastic hook into the air. “What?!” she exclaimed. “And you’re actually letting us go?”

King’s Island is a big amusement park a couple of hours from our home. “Yes!” I said, grinning. “Yes, I’m letting you go.”

My shocked daughter flopped into her chair. “I can’t believe you actually said yes!” she said. The eldest laughed, incredulous.

Yes. Has it been that long since I said the word? I guess I’d been saying “no” so often these days, I forgot the fun of saying “yes.” In fact, I’ve been saying “no” to almost everything lately, even simple requests.

“Can I have a piece of candy?”

“No, it’s too close to dinner.”

“Can we go to the library?”

“No, not now.”

“May I have a gumball from that machine?”

“No, I don’t have any quarters and you have a bunch of gum at home.”

No. No. No.

For the past few months, “No” became my automatic response. The kids expected it. And the thing is, I’m usually a “yes” kind of mom. Why so much “no”? I thought of Corinne’s recent post framed as a poetic and positive letter to her kids proclaiming the deepest, truest Yes:

While I might often say No, know that my heart always screams Yes for both of you. Yes to your hopes and dreams. Yes to acknowledge your fears and individualism. Yes to you. It’s my mind that gets in the way, that automatically wants to say No, even though it’s unnatural and learned… my heart says Yes a thousand times a day. To getting on the floor and playing for hours at a time, to building forts and to reading the story of the day for the hundredth time.

I wanted to bring back my heart’s “yes.”

Yet, “no” can’t disappear entirely. As Corinne acknowledged, there will be times when we parents say “no”:

“No, you can’t go to a party without adult chaperones.”

“No, you can’t text during dinner because this is a time to talk as a family.”

“No, you can’t watch that show just because your friends do.”

Knowing when to say yes or no takes sensitivity and wisdom. I want to say “yes” when I can and “no” when I must. Sometimes my answer is a thought-out, purposeful, wise and loving “no.” But sometimes it’s a lazy “no.” Falling into the habit of saying “no” to every little thing simplifies some of the work of parenting. After all, decision-making’s a snap when the answer is always negative. But it’s hardly the laughing, loving life I want for our family.

So the day my daughter leaped out of her chair in shock when I said “yes,” I decided to bring a stop to the lazy, automatic “no.”

I said yes when the youngest asked to finish a bag of Skittles.

I said yes to their request for popsicles and play time at the neighbors.

They asked if they could make Kool-Aid. I said yes.

They wanted to play in the sprinkler. I said, “Yes, if you put your swimsuits on.” Later I wished I had simply said yes. Their play clothes could have gotten wet.

That night, my husband said yes when the girls asked to go to the store to shop for a pair of summer shorts. When they got home, the girls wanted to play a computer game for half an hour. He said yes.

I will say “yes” as often as I can.

Yes, climb that tree in the back yard and use the old blankets in the garage to make a tent on the clothes line.

Yes, let’s go to the library three times this week, pick daisies for a bouquet, and buy one box of Cocoa Puffs cereal, just for fun.

Spread out some newspapers and pull out the paint-by-numbers. Make a batch of brownies. Use up the leftover icing in the fridge. Roll down the hill and wade in the creek.

And yes, you may have a 25-cent gumball from the machine at the grocery. All four of you. Yes, even the teens.

While we’re at it, I might even get one for myself.

Because I like this. Yes, I like this a lot.

* * *

Post originally published at The High Calling.

The post Time for Yes appeared first on Ann Kroeker, Writing Coach.

1. Hosting: We’re hosting out-of-country guests for several days–my in-laws from Belgium are here! What a privilege to spend time with them, catching up after a long separation (we only see them every few years).
2. 31 Days Project: Several of my friends at HighCallingBlogs.com (HCB) are participating in a 31 Day to Build a Better Blog project. With guests in town during much of the month, I knew I could never keep up. But one of the assignments was the create a list post, so this is mine. I created a list post over at NotSoFastBook.com, as well. Today’s assignment is to join a forum and participate. HCB serves as my forum.
3. End of School Year: Like many of us, I’m wrapping up the 2009-2010 school year. Wrap-up includes work with our homeschool co-op where I facilitate an American Literature class as well as our work at home. In fact, as soon as I publish this post, I’m grading a stack of papers. In addition, invitations to open houses and graduations are rolling in. May is maxed out.
4. Mini Marathon: I mentioned on Twitter here and here and Facebook that our family (except The Boy) finished the Indy 500 Mini Marathon, the nation’s largest half-marathon. The two older girls walked it; the Belgian Wonder and I “wogged” it with our youngest daughter.
5. Ann Kroeker Facebook page: I set up an Ann Kroeker Facebook page (which is unfortunately known as a “fan” page … please don’t think I’m picturing myself as a celebrity with fans!). It’s just a place where anyone can visit me on Facebook. Feel free to pop by and “like” the page. If you do so, updates I post there will show up in your news feed. You don’ t have to friend me on Facebook to follow my updates. Also, you can post your own links and such right on the Ann Kroeker page, so if you have a “slow-down solution” you’ve found, for example, or if you write a relevant blog post, post it there; the Ann Kroeker page can be a place where we connect on that Not So Fast topic, as well other ideas and themes. I’m just starting to tap into its potential and look forward to developing it when I get through May and enter the freer summer months.
6. To Kill a Mockingbird: The last book of the school year that we’re reading for the co-op is To Kill a Mockingbird. Re-reading it for the fourth time with the students, I find myself reading a chapter, slapping the book shut with satisfaction, and shouting “I love this book!” to anyone who happens to be in the vicinity.
7. Teen Driver: My eldest daughter has been driving on her permit for some time, but this Wednesday she takes her official driving test. The following Tuesday she can take her written test. After that, if all goes well, she gets her operator’s license. Don’t be frightened; she’s a pretty good driver.
8. Camera: I was given the gift of a nice new camera at Christmas—a splurge gift that the Belgian Wonder and I have been discussing for years (but never acted on … until now). I don’t have aspirations of gradually upgrading equipment to professional quality; I’m not even a gifted amateur. But even as an average, everyday photographer, I have really loved learning new things as I happily click away. Photoplay tips from the HCB photo editor Claire Burge have inspired, as well. The results motivate me to try new things and shoot even more snapshots of our daily lives. So I just want to publicly thank my husband and the whole family for blessing me, and I hope my experiments bless the six of us with pleasing visual records of this era of our lives. Ironically, I’m not including a photo of the camera; I tried to take one in the mirror, but it didn’t turn out quite right.
9. Speaking: I spoke at St. Mark’s Methodist Church in Carmel, Indiana, a couple of weeks ago. On the weekend of May 22-23, I’ll be interviewed at Grace Community Church in Noblesville, Indiana, on the topic of families slowing down and simplifying enough to nurture a more contemplative life, seeking and submitting to Christ together.
10. “How can I help?”: My father-in-law grew up in what was then the Belgian Congo (now Democratic Republic of Congo, or DRC). We’re looking forward to hearing stories and seeing pictures from a recent trip to DRC. In his travels throughout the cities of Kinshasa, Kikwit, and out into the rural areas of the Bandundu province, he asked the people, “How can we help?” We will get to hear what the people said when my father-in-law posed the question and listened; we will learn how we can help.

I wonder what the world could be like if we all asked that question and listened carefully to the response? How can we help? We could ask it country to country, church to church, neighbor to neighbor, child to parent—anyone to anyone: “How can I help?” Can we try it today, with someone we love? Can we ask with open minds and hearts … and truly listen?

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At HighCallingBlogs.com today, Bradley J. Moore of Shrinking the Camel explores the question, “When is Negative Feedback Too Negative?” He spotlighted my post “Reward the Good and Ignore the Bad: Does it Work?”

We know that unhealthy criticism for no good reason can demoralize. But how do you point out negative behaviors if you want to develop people, to help them reach their full potential?

I’ve been thinking about this topic quite a bit, and his post generated some additional thoughts that I tapped out as a comment and offer here as food for thought:

On the receiving end of critique:

Many years ago, I attended a small group training session. The leader said that one of the critical steps in gaining valuable input from people in the group was to take them out one-on-one and ask each person, “How can I improve as a leader?” Then he said it’s critical to listen without saying one defensive or explanatory word. Just listen and take notes. The person may say something small at first, to test how you’ll respond. Write down the answer, thank them, and ask, “What else?” Little by little you can get great input for how to improve and build trust with the person in your group, demonstrating that you really care about his or her opinion.

I’ve done this with my kids as well as teams I’ve led (usually volunteers in a church setting). When the person offering input sees that you aren’t going to get angry or fall apart, he can feel free to offer invaluable (if painful) information. And because I invited it, it’s easier for me to take to heart. But it’s hard to hear what I’m doing poorly, as a parent or team leader. And it’s really, really hard not to explain or defend myself; but when I refrain from that and just listen, I can consider the critique and figure out if/how to change. My kids have been grateful to have me ask and know that I’m really listening when they offer some of their concerns.

When giving input/critique:

My eldest daughter has her driver’s permit, and I’ve been thinking about and practicing the positive feedback approach with her. Sometimes, however, for safety reasons I simply have to correct and stop a dangerous move; sometimes I simply cannot “ignore the bad.” But I am making a point to identify things she’s doing well, “rewarding the good” by pointing it out with a compliment.

• Check Tone & Motive: When I have to give some negative input–not just when out driving with my daughter, but with anyone–I’m trying to check my tone and my motive, too. I also try to add some explanation as to why the change would be beneficial. And I try to follow up when I see the person change and affirm them.
• In the Context of Trust, Respect & Love: The clicker training mentioned in my original post could be very superficial and only focus on behavior–it may work well for step-by-step training but not for subtle analysis. (Leslie Leyland Fields expresses her concern with actual programs that promote a clicker-training approach to parenting in her post “Training is Not Enough!!“) With my family and friends, I want to be building relationships and reaching their hearts. I want any input to be in the context of trust, respect and love.
• Praise Sandwich/One-Minute Praise: Erin of Together for Good added this:

Not only am I grateful for Erin’s reminder that God roots out the bad–the sin–and that the good in us is a result of His Spirit’s work and strength, but I also really like her idea of “praise sandwiches.” Kenneth Blanchard’s One-Minute Manager advocates “one-minute praise” as immediate and specific as possible. I should note that he also does advocate immediate and specific “one-minute reprimands” followed with a reassuring handshake that affirms the person is valuable to the organization. Blanchard’s three-step “One-Minute Praise” and four-step “One-Minute Reprimand” processes are summarized HERE.

Any human, young or old, can better hear what needs improvement when it’s sandwiched between or at least followed up with what he or she is doing right.

An Atmosphere of Affirmation

I grew up with a lot of negativity, where nothing I did, not even sweeping grass off the porch, could be done to the satisfaction of one of my parents. I longed to hear something good reinforced, but most of the input I received was criticism. As a result, I developed a skewed image of myself. Developing my identity in that atmosphere of negativity, I couldn’t come close to reaching my full potential; I was plagued with self-doubt and insecurity.

Now, as a mom, I think I’m extra tuned-in to this topic because I really want to figure out what works and how I can offer input that is both loving and beneficial. I want my children to flourish in an environment that is predominately positive. And when I must correct, I want them to hear the truth spoken … in love.

I agree with Erin that none of us is innately “good,” that we are lost without our Savior, and that we must watch out for pride. But I also know firsthand the crippling effects of criticism and negativity.

When I do point out a fault in my kids or offer some criticism or correction, I want to follow up with a hug—the family version of Blanchard’s handshake—so that each child knows he or she is loved no matter what. And as I mentioned above, I want to be open to their own critique of me. If I model gentle, loving correction, perhaps they’ll go easy on me when I ask how they feel I could improve as a parent!

If I’m going to err in a direction, I want it to be in the direction of affirmation and praise.

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In A Circle of Quiet, Madeleine L’Engle wrote:

During the long drag of years before our youngest child went to school, my love for my family and my need to write were in acute conflict. The problem was really that I put two things first. My husband and children came first. So did my writing. Bump.

The conflict—or collision—of work and family summed up in a word:  Bump.Ouch.

• How do you handle the collision of work and family?

• How have demanding seasons of work affected your family life?

• Is your current pace “sustainable”?

• What changes have you already made—or what changes could you make—to create a more sustainable life? Have you “trimmed your day,” for example, and simplified?

“Remember, there is no Bump” photo by Ethan Lofton available through Flickr under a Creative Commons license.

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Sam Van Eman is another of the HighCallingBlogs.com people I’m getting to know.Culture Editor at HCB, Sam also blogs at New Breed of Advertisers: Becoming Good Neighbors to the Consumer Next Door, inviting marketers to become good neighbors to the consumer next door.He wrote On Earth as It is in Advertising? Moving from Commercial Hope to Gospel Hype (Brazos Press), about which he humbly advised, “Folks either love this book or doze off by the middle of Chapter 2, so go into it with mediocre expectations and you’ll be alright.”Sam is also a staff specialist for the CCO, an organization that partners with colleges, churches and other organizations to develop men and women who live out their Christian faith in every area of life.Ann: HighCallingBlogs explores the intersection of work and faith. Please explain your work for my readers.Sam: Thanks, Ann. For years I’ve cared about something we call double-study. For college students that means putting as much time into knowing the Bible as they do their Biology textbooks. C.S. Lewis said, “The job is really on us, on the laymen” to inform Christians how to go about their work faithfully. It’s silly, he notes, that people believe, “The Church ought to give us a lead.”The exploration of work and faith depends upon engaged workers – informed and doubly-educated laypeople – to take the lead. HCB promotes this kind of engagement.What do I do? I’m the Culture Content Editor so I try to help the community engage with cultural observations. I’m not cutting edge (Where do you even get a Twitter account?), but I enjoy facilitating a faithful response to the world around us.

Click HERE to read the interview in its entirety….

(Sam, with the cap, rides the Cool Bus)

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He salvaged tires,A chain, gears,Handlebars,And a frameFrom three different bikes,Maybe more.Piecing it all together,He painted it blackAnd pedaled down canalsFor milesThrough the countrysidePast fields of sugar beetsOr flew downhillRumbling over cobblestonesPast the churchToward the town squareTo buy fritesFrom the friterie.

Friterie, Castle, Lion of Waterloo, and the Belgian-Wonder-on-Scooter photos © 2005 by Ann Kroeker.Bread and Sugar Beet Field photos © 2008 by Ann Kroeker.

Concept of addressing a place to honor a person: HT to Corinne of Trains, Tutus and Twizzlers with her love letter to Salem.

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Here at the Food on Fridays carnival, any post remotely related to food is welcome—your link could be a recipe like your favorite Colts blue Superbowl party dip, but it does not have to be a recipe. If it’s about shopping at Trader Joe’s or your review of “Julie & Julia,” go ahead and link up! Think of it as a virtual pitch-in where you can sample what everyone brings and have a great time.When your Food on Fridays contribution is ready, just grab the broccoli button (the big one above or smaller option at the bottom) to paste at the top of your post and join us through Mr. Linky.Here’s a Mr. Linky tutorial:

Write up a post, publish, then return here and click on Mr. Linky below. A screen will pop up where you can type in your blog name and paste in the url to your own Food on Fridays post (give us the exact link to your Food on Fridays page, not just the link to your blog).You can also visit other people’s posts by clicking on Mr. Linky and then clicking participants’ names–you should be taken straight to their posts.Please note: I return when possible during the day and update this post by hand to include a list of the links provided via Mr. Linky. If I can’t get to the computer to do so, you may access them all by clicking on the Mister Linky logo.

Food on Fridays Participants

Food on Fridays with Ann

Today I want to introduce you to my friend L.L. Barkat. We met at the 2008 Festival of Faith & Writing, where we sat in the spring sunshine munching our pre-ordered box lunches and talked about writing, publishing, editors and agents. Little did I know that a year or so later, she would contact me in her role as Managing Editor at HighCallingBlogs (HCB) to ask me to serve as a volunteer contributor and later as a Content Editor. It’s been a privilege and pleasure following her work online, reading her published works, and now working with her through HCB.Ann: L.L., first off, what’s your all-time favorite recipe? Will you share it with Food on Fridays readers?LL Barkat: I have so many favorites! Here’s a Greek recipe I love. If you prefer to make it with beef, that can work too. But I’m a veggie girl, so…Greek Roasted Vegetables and ChickpeasAdd all to a large rectangular casserole dish and cover with aluminum foil. Roast at 400 degrees for about 2 hours or until very tender. Remove foil, lower heat to 350 and roast for another 15 minutes or until nicely browned…• assorted vegetables chopped chunky, such as turnip, carrot, potato, celery, red onion• 1 can or 1 1/2 cups dry and pre-cooked chickpeas (or 1 lb. beef if you prefer, sautéed first until brown)• 1 TB balsamic vinegar• 1 TB worcestershire sauce• 4 large garlic, minced• 1/2 jar Muir Glen Sauce• 1 TB Muir Glen tomato paste• 1 tsp. cinnamon• 1/2 tsp. nutmeg• 1/2 tsp. allspice• 1/2 tsp. ground clove• 1/4 cup red wine• a few pours olive oil• 2 cups water (add more as needed throughout, for desired sauce consistency)Finish…Add salt and pepper to taste and a few pours of olive oil. Mix in a handful or two of raisins.Serve over any kind of flat noodle, with salad or other green vegetable. The rich spices are an excellent complement to the mild flavor of chickpeas.Ann: Mmmm….I’ll bet the kitchen smells great while it’s roasting. Well, now that we’re off to a delicious start, let’s talk a little about HCB and your role as Managing Editor. Your Post “5 Things a Blog Network Can Do for You”  is a great overview of HCB. How would you describe your Managing Editor role?LL Barkat: It is my absolute dream job. I get to be social, strategize, write, host Twitter parties, go to conferences, work with Editors. Wow! I love it.The cool thing is that it happened because I started by volunteering, and then HCB entered a time of expansion and new funding (which, btw, should still be a trend going into next year, so HCB is a good place to watch for opportunities).Ann: How you do all that you do is beyond me—Managing Editor at HCB, keeping up three blogs, raising and educating two beautiful daughters, learning all about social networking trends, writing books and generating poetry—even hosting poetry parties! You lead Random Acts of Poetry at HCB and host poetry jam sessions through @tspoetry. How do you do it all?LL Barkat: Synergy. Everything I do works together. The Twitter parties, for instance, are also something I use to feed Random Acts of Poetry at HCB. And some of my best poems in InsideOut came from material I wrote during the parties. At my Green Inventions blog I process thoughts about education and technology. At Love Notes to Yahweh I think out loud about chapters I’m writing or material that I need to reflect on for talks.After blogging for more than 3 years, I found I had to approach on-line life this way or I’d burn out.Ann: Synergy. I like that. Now, I have to be honest with you, L.L. @tspoetry still  intimidates me a little. I don’t completely understand how it works. Can you explain it to us? And did your Lazy Blogger’s Tuna Casserole post flow from a @tspoetry party?LL Barkat: Oh, the Twitter parties are so much fun. @tspoetry announces the time (which is usually 9:30-10:30 pm EST every other Tuesday night), then we all get on Twitter and write poetry together. @tspoetry gives prompts, which we respond to. But we also lift and turn each other’s words. It’s challenging, hilarious, sometimes poignant. Check out http://tweetspeakpoetry.com/blog for more info on how to come to a party.Casseroles on Twitter! That post you’re referring to was just me keeping myself company on New Year’s Eve. I was cooking and tweeting and suddenly… The Lazy Blogger’s Tuna Casserole.Ann: I think the foodies here at Food on Fridays might be particularly interested in the food posts at Green Inventions, like your vegetarian dishes and The 30-Day Recipes. Any advice on what they should explore?LL Barkat: I’d probably start in the sidebar, at the recipe list. Or… I don’t know. Maybe begin with your favorite bean? Ann: You’re a woman of great spiritual depth and intellectual curiosity. You explore and express ideas, prayer, creativity and faith through words and art (and food!). One avenue is through blogging at Seedlings in Stone and, as you already mentioned, Love Notes to Yahweh and Green Inventions Central. How do each of these blogs capture/reflect some aspect of who you are?LL Barkat: Sometimes people ask me why I have three separate blogs (it’s not very effective for getting the most Google juice ). But the fun is I can be different things to different audiences; yet it’s the same old me. Writing about all the stuff I love: art, food, spiritual practice, writing, technology, education.Ann: Your book Stone Crossings was recently released when we met at that Festival. You’ve also recently released a book of poetry with International Arts Movement, Inside Out. In keeping with the food theme, would you share “Page 5,” the poem on p. 100-101? I’ll leave my readers with your words.LL Barkat: How delightful. Sure, here it is…Page 5The menusays strawberryshortcakewith whipped creambut here’s the deal:I remember what’s real,my mother’s child-smallhands turning floursugar, shorteningthe “size of a big egg”so the old recipeinstructed. I remembersun-kissed fields offurrows, hills mygrandmother’s roughpatched yet paintedhands turned and raisedto grow strawberries blushedand bleeding real juice,not perfumed waterthat pretends ripenesscut and strewn over too-sweet cake. I remembercream, real, whipped.

“Greek Roasted Vegetables” photo © 2007 by LL Barkat. Used with permission.

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Photo by HCB-network member nAncY of Just Say the Word.

“Hammers on Black.” Just Say the Word. 7 January 2010. Web. 27 Jan. 2010. <http://justsaytheword.wordpress.com/2010/01/07/1929/>.

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“Nestled Apple” photo by Ann Kroeker (2009).

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