Creator, this or something better!

Have you ever wanted something so bad?

Have you ever wanted something so deeply that it keeps you up at night?

Have you ever wanted something that it makes you nervous, scared, excited and slightly nauseous all at the same time?

That’s how I feel about my writing career. I want to not only continue being blessed with writing everyday for the rest of my life, but I dream of being incredibly successful at it!

Yesterday I went to my mailbox and noticed that there were two very important envelopes waiting for me. I was rushing so I just through the mail in my bag and ran to catch my train to Wesleyan University. I forgot all about the envelopes until I got back to the city and returned to the house.

I wasn’t even thinking about my mail. I was thinking about how all I wanted was sleep. The students at Wesleyan University wiped me out, “In the BEST WAY!” it was such an incredible conversation with such a diverse group of students OF ALL SHADES, GENDERS & SEXUAL ORIENTATION! It was powerful. They had so much to share… the questions were difficult and incredibly personal… but I was up for ALL OF IT!

I was asked, “Is your writing a form of resistance?”

This was such a fantastic question. My response was that NO not this book. My next book… absolutely! 🙂

I was sitting on the couch having a conversation with my dear friend when I went into my bag for something and noticed the envelopes. One was an important notice about a generous grant I had applied for. I opened it slowly… it was one of those thin envelopes like the ones when you’re waiting for that response that your application was rejected for admission, but “we thank you for your interest in our school. Good luck in your future endeavors!”

So I opened it… said a silent prayer… and BAM… “we thank you for your interest…” no grant!

All good… I had one more envelope… it was from Publishers Weekly.

I wasn’t sure why I was receiving a magazine from them. I started going through the pages looking to see if maybe I had a mention in the publication. I was looking for an image of my book. I went through it pretty quickly and didn’t see anything. So I went through it a little slower this time. I went through it one page at a time. And that’s when I got to pg. 6, 2nd column, located at the very bottom… I wasn’t sure if I was reading correctly… listed in the section of self-published titles:

In church my minister Rodney McKenzie teaches that sometimes the miracles we are looking for don’t necessarily show up the way WE WANT or EXPECT them to arrive. Reminding us that when we ask the universe or our creator for something we should premise it with, “This or something better…”

So in the moment I felt everything I needed to feel about that rejection… but opening up that Publishers Weekly magazine and seeing FINDING YOUR FORCE listed… is my SOMETHING BETTER! And so it is!

Ache.

I am so incredibly grateful~

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