Day 3: 40 Days~ It is being in the world but not of it~

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While I was re-reading my memoir I came across a section that reminded me about following through and commitments:
“I was rubbing your head, touching your hair. While I was watching you, I started crying. I felt so much guilt about what I had done to us with this move to NYC. Was I being selfish? I took you away from the life you knew. I started to doubt myself. I doubted my ability and questioned what I was doing here. This was just too hard and now you were sick and it was my fault. I didn’t think I could do it. I was alone. I have aunts and uncles in New York but they didn’t live close and couldn’t take care of you because they all have jobs. You had never seen me cry like that before. I just looked at you and said, “Baby do you wanna go back to Florida? Do you wanna just leave NYC and go back to our life? This is just too hard! You could have your pool again and go swimming all the time. You would have your abuelo and abuela, your Tia Josie, Tia Fabiana and Tio Fabin… do you wanna just go home?”
You just looked up at me with those beautiful eyes and said, “NO MOMMY!!! This is your dream. I don’t want to leave. You came here to be a writer. You can do this!”
It would have been so much easier for me to leave and go back home to be closer to my family. I know the life I would have there. I could have packed us up and headed south again and they would have welcomed us back with open arms. They would have made our life easier. We would have had our support system back. It would have been much easier to go back and do what I have always done. It’s so much harder to stay and work my ass off for what I want. I didn’t believe I could do it. I’m so thankful you encouraged me to stay. You believed in me when I didn’t. What would I have taught you had I quit? This July 2011 we celebrate NINE years living in New York City. What I hope you see in me now is someone who follows through to the end.” Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~
“The closer one gets to realizing his personal legend — the more that personal
legend becomes his TRUE reason for being.” The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
Today I had a nightmare. In my nightmare there was a woman in my dream stepping on me. She was stomping on me. She was speaking badly of me. She was calling me out of my name. She was telling lies about me.
I spent a few hours meditating on what the message was in the dream. I decided that the dream was about moments where I didn’t feel supported and my issues with trust.
Yesterday during my fast… I reminded myself that no one can take anything from me and then today I read:
“It is neither the Power, the Presence, nor the Law that you lack, if you do lack anything. It is a consciousness, an inner spiritual awareness. This consciousness is a thing of thought and conviction. It is a thing of faith and understanding. No one can give this to your yourself, and if you have it no one can take it away from you. Pg. 110”
When you turn to the spirit for the solution of your problem, Spirit answers by intuitively knowing, not the problem, but its answer.~ Ernest Holmes
I AFFIRM:
I know I am capable of achieving what I need and will have everything that I desire~
I remind myself that I’ve done this many times and will complete everything I begin~
I know that I am completely supported at all times.
I know that spirit answers all of my prayers.
Where I AM ~ God is. I am never alone.
I release all selfishness.
I release all fears.
I am a continuous feeling of love and forgiveness.
“It is being in the world but not of it.” The Infinite Way~
And so it is~
Aché

There are still seats available: Join me for the first  ~ Women of the World Writers Workshop~

This is a FREE writing workshop being offered with the intention of providing a sacred space for women to gather virtually from all over the world to write together.
Have you been carrying a story that is suffocating you… a story that will not let you sleep?
Do you want support in beginning that project unsure of where to begin?
Are you ready to stop procrastinating and take YOU seriously?
Have you started the story but are feeling blocked or paralyzed?
Are you afraid to answer your call?
Workshop will be held on Sunday, October 28, 2012 @ 6:00pm – 10:00pm EST
To register and for more information please email me at: Findingyourforce@gmail.com

 

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