As I wake this morning my heart hurts a little…
It was exactly ten years ago today that he came to me in my dreams. It was beautiful. He was magnificent. He whispered, “Wake up!” his voice was love… “Alicia, get up!”
It was time for me to rise! It was time for me to create again. It was time for me to write again.
In my dreams I was visited by you… the first person I ever considered mentor. My alchemist… you came to teach me some things. You came to teach me about myself… about my power… about that certain something that only I possessed!
I was awoken on a morning like this… the house was quiet, the street was dark, no movement in the streets, and Courtney slept peacefully. You showed up for me to reveal something important and I honored the gifts that you shared with me.
I decided to live…
I looked amazing that day… I wore that skirt that you love… the one you bought me at Max Mara so I would always remember you… the one I would wear whenever I needed some strength.
I wore my sexy heels and sauntered… like any true diva would… and I sashayed! “Sashay! Shantay!!!”
And in one split second it was taken from me.
A fire was lit internally until she…
(I couldn’t finish that last sentence… in my writing I got stuck here…. my pen began to resist finishing that thought…)
I am frozen… I am trying to recapture, relive, re-feel what she did to me on that October 6, 2004, almost one year after I found him lying on his desk, cold, no heart beat, no life left in his body.
The things that are taken… this is my meditation today… this is why my heart hurts today.
Why are people so cruel?
Ten years ago today something so precious was taken from me. My voice, my power, my dessire to breathe all because ONE person tried to take it.
I wake today STRONG!
This sadness is turning to fierceness, to fury, to flames all around me… October 6th marks one of the most important days in my life… today is the day I TOOK IT ALL BACK!
My intention for today is to write about power! Who has it? Who takes it? What’s at stake? Why people die for it? Power… those who have it and those who do not!
And so it is. Namaste. Aché
With all my love,
P.S. What she did to me is so insignificant… the most important gift I could receive from that horrible experience was that I met myself for the first time!
As I wake today… (set timer for 5 minutes)
In my dreams I was visited by you… (set timer for 5 minutes)
And in one split second… (set timer for 2 minutes)
Ten years ago today… (set timer for 3 minutes)
My intention for today… (set timer for 5 minutes)
10 minutes of free-writing on a theme that it really significant in our stories.
30 minutes writing in scene in order to flush it out.
© 2014 Alicia Anabel Santos. All Rights Reserved.