Writing as a Meditation ~ Day 29

October 29th

As I wake up this morning I am thinking about all that I have accomplished during the month of October. This month I have been unstoppable… but my body is feeling it… my body wants rest. I am not complaining this month has brought me many blessings. I have had so much fun… but I am ready for rest. I am ready to disconnect. I am ready for some alone time. I am ready to not give and be open to receiving. More importantly, its time to refuel.

Today I am opening myself up to receiving. Over the past few days I have been giving a lot of thought to my speech at Hofstra last week…

Something happened…

Something that is really hard to put into words…

What I experienced before that audience was something unlike I have ever experienced and I have spoken at over 100 events.

The lies we tell ourselves about why we can’t do this or that… the excuses:

That we are too tired…
That we have too much on our plate…
What about our responsibilities…

The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we are NOT WORTHY… That we are not worthy of happiness… that we are not worthy of love… that we are not worthy of a partner… that we are not worthy of success… that we are not worthy of our dreams coming true…

And all of our issues around worth are rooted in believing we do not deserve it….

That the good stuff is ONLY reserved for the few…

This is such a fucking lie…

I do so much work with women and young girls and I am beginning to notice how early girls begin to buy into the lie… they give up before even trying.

Yesterday during one of my clubs a young girl was working on a math equation and asked me for help. I answered her question and walked away. Then I noticed she put the pencil down and gave up… she gave up before even starting… how many of us will quit before we even begin?

Right now I am working with writers on probably my most intense workshop to date and even they have moments where they want to quit… shit even I have had moments I’ve wanted to quit!

The gift I give myself…

THIS IS…. the gift I give myself… time with my words… time for myself… time with my thoughts.

The gift I give myself is writing from a stream of concsciousness where there are no judges or critics. Here I don’t have to be perfect. Here I don’t have anything to prove. Here I don’t have anyone to impress.

The gift I give myself is stealing time for me… GUILT FREE!

I wasn’t always this way… there was a time I felt really bad about not being able to see family every weekend I didn’t want them to think I didn’t love them. Over the years what I have learned is that a happy Alicia is a happy family… shit… its a happy EVERYBODY!

The gift I give myself is celebrating the little things… even just posting a blog for me is cause for celebration because even if I don’t write a single friggin thing today… today I wrote during my meditation and that’s pretty great.

The gift I give myself is love… I am learning how to love on myself in my lowest moments.

The gift I give myself today is knowledge… gaining and spreading knowledge. I am on a place on my way to Georgia State University and I am feeling pretty amazing. As I begin this day I am calling forth all of the work I have done with the Afrolatinos documentary. I am calling forth love…

My intention for today for today is to be GREAT and to stand in my GRACE! No matter where I am … no matter who I am speaking with… my intention for today is to walk in humility and grace. Who gets to have the journey that I have had? I have had such a wonderful life. I have done so many incredible things. I have met so many amazing people.

Today I am calling forth the highlights of my Afrolatinos journey…. It has been a while since I have visited a university to speak about the African Diaspora in Latin America. I am so proud of this project. My meditation today is to nudge the universe in our direction… to favor us… to bring this project to the world… this is a story that needs to be seen and heard. I am thrilled to be traveling to Atlanta today for a discussion on identity, cultural divides, and our history. So as I prepare for this panel discussion I just want to take a moment to be silent… to be thankful. I know my ancestors are proud. And so it is.

Today’s prompts:

As I wake up this morning… (set timer for 5 minutes)
The lies we tell ourselves… (set timer for 5 minutes)
The gift I give myself… (set timer for 5 minutes)
My intention for today… (set timer for 5 minutes)

BREATHE

10 minutes: Pick the first five books you have near you or your favorite five books. Write the last sentence at the end of the story for each book. Who is speaking? What is happening? What is your response about how this story ends? What do you wish happened? What surprised you?

BREATHE/STRETCH

30 minutes: (Three 10 minute prompts) You are writing about who is in the final scene:

In the final scene…
How has the character grown?
The last line of my story…

And so it is. Namaste. Aché

With all my love,
Alicia

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© 2014 Alicia Anabel Santos. All Rights Reserved.

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