We can be so cruel to ourselves sometimes.
“I am such a failure. I don’t want to fail them. I am afraid of failing.”
Today I am taking inventory of myself and thinking about the many moments I have felt like a failure and about the ways I have failed others?
Today I am not just meditating on failure, I am beginning to see my failures a little differently.
What if I accepted my perceived failures as lessons?
What if I embraced my struggles?
I read this morning, “In the struggles I am given my greatest lessons and the ability to develop the character for all that is required of me.”
And I have struggled… Sometimes the struggles have been too much to bare. I have cried so many nights about why I have been chosen to struggle as much as I have.
“Why have I lost so much?”
I have done the work.
I have paid my dues.
I give of service.
I share what I know.
I am generous with my time.
I love easily deeply and to so many.
“Why do I have to struggle so much?”
What if we stopped punishing ourselves for the mistakes we have made or the hurt we have caused?
What if we stopped believing we are being punished?
What if…. We embraced these moments not as definitions of ourselves but as the lessons they are intended to be. We are being called to be better. We are being called to tap into our beauty not continually cut ourselves down.
I am thinking about the ways I have hurt myself with negative thoughts about me and my past.
These thoughts about failure have done something to the HOPE I have always carried!
What is it to be a person who hopes? What it is to hold hope? What it is to feel hope?
What is it to lose hope?
I am thinking about so many of us who are walking around hopeless…. There is such a tremendous amount of hopelessness in the world, people who have lost hope, given up hope…. Giving up on life… Given up on living… On dreaming. This is the point in the journey where people give up on themselves… They quit trying…. They stop believing. They are unable to keep going.
Today I kneeled down to pray. As I I placed my hands on my knees, this is the moment I decided to release my ideas about failure… something has changed in me. With my arms open, palms up I began to place all of my hopes in the universes hands and asked her to aid me in manifesting all of my hopes. There was a time I believed that I needed to hold onto fear for dear life that I deserved to be punished, but this isn’t the truth. I believed that if I shared my hopes with others… if I dare speak my dreams and hopes aloud someone would take it from me… No more…. Today I place all of my hope in the hands of the heavens . I am praying for happiness, prosperity, miracles, kindness, and love… I am reflecting on grace. I am holding onto my hope with tenderness and gentleness…
Today I am overwhelmed…
Last night Olokun came to me in my dreams… She wanted to know where I am… Where I have been. Why have I forgotten what they give me and all that they have promised me. What they have given me and being me…
My response to them is that I am being restored on this mountain. My joyfulness is with me and my hopefulness is back!
Thank you for this day. Namaste ~ And so it is. Aché
✿✿Note to readers following our journey: Now that we have begun our climb I will not be posting to facebook as often. Please follow my blog at the top of the page. Thank you for your love and well wishes.
✿✿Note to newcomers accepting the writing challenge! You can begin the challenge at any point. There is no right or wrong way to participate. You are not being graded or judged. This is a gift we are giving ourselves. So be gentle during this process. We are about to climb a mountain, YO! Remember that. Remember we must be present. Release all self-defeating thoughts. You can do this. I do want to remind the new climbers that no matter what day you decide to join the challenge please begin at the beginning. It’s important to prepare! Please remember to post your daily responses in my comments on my blog. Sending you all love. See you at the top of the mountain.
With all my love,