Today I am unpacking. I am unpacking the excess weight of everything I have brought on this journey. There is so much I’ve brought with me that no longer serves me. Did I really believe that I would read four books while climbing this mountain? Did I really believe I needed every single spiritual totem I own for protection on this journey? Did I really believe that coming as I am with only what I need would not suffice? As if having more stuff made me equal to those who have been climbing for more years than I have.
Today I am unpacking. As we sat in our circle I shared a story about how I used to carry (3) bags at any given moment. A total of 30 pounds worth of stuff I believed I needed. (1) bag was my purse, it contained the cell, makeup, wallet, candy, water, snacks first aid kit… this was the mom bag! Also known as the black hole. The bag that if you needed a Band-Aid or tampon or tweezers or you were hungry or thirsty I was your walking pharmacy.
The 2nd and 3rd bags contained my lunch, laptop, books on writing, books for inspiration, books for meditation and healing and my many journals for writing because I guess I believed that not only would I read one or all of these on any given lunch break or train ride, I also believed I would write the greatest American novel and type it all in an hours time.
Its laughable and I would find it funny if it didn’t have everything to do with security or my insecurity.
I wanted to write…
So obviously in my mind that meant that I should carry all of my stuff… all the time… and that carrying all my stuff meant I was writing. This proved I was a writer.
Crazy I know but this felt very real to me. It would take me years to unpack my bags and truly only carry what I need. I have learned to let go of things and people. I no longer have the need to carry the weight of the world, literally on my shoulder. What I have found these days is that what I need is accessible to me at all times.
(3) bags are completely unnecessary…
Today as I continue this descent I will focus on lightness and only keeping what I need. As I let go of the things that weigh me down I open myself up to more of what I want.
With all my love,